Tis the Season
by starbrightnights
Summary: When unsigned gifts start turning up at Caitlin's apartment, she's at a loss as to who they're from. Wanting badly to believe that, for once, something good is happening to her, she ignores her friends' concerns and starts to look forward to her morning deliveries in the run-up to Christmas. Twelve Days of Christmas, in reverse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm still a sucker for Caitlin and Harry.**

 **Yes, this is being posted a little early, but I wanted to make sure I had time to finish it before Christmas! :-)**

 **No spoilers as such, but I do mention something that Caitlin is wearing in a bts photo I recently saw for an upcoming episode (not sure which one). I'm not sure if they are what I've assumed they are for the purpose of this story, but thought I'd mention it just in case.**

* * *

 **December 13th.**

Caitlin was brushing her teeth when her buzzer went. Spitting toothpaste out into the sink, she rushed to answer it, cursing whoever it was that had deigned to call on her so early, especially as her faulty alarm clock had made her late for work. She made a mental note to buy a new one as she pressed the button on the intercom.

"Hello?"

 _"Doctor Snow?"_

"Yes, that's me."

 _"I have a package for you."_

"Oh." She bit her lip in thought. "But I haven't ordered anything."

 _"Sorry, ma'am, I wouldn't know anything about that, I just deliver what I'm given."_

"Yes, of course, sorry," Caitlin said, hearing the impatience in his tone. "Come on up."

Five minutes later, Caitlin was seated on her couch, staring at the small box in front of her on her coffee table. A small tag attached to the festive wrapping paper had her name on it, but nothing else. Either someone had sent her a Christmas gift and had forgotten to put who it was from, or she had a secret admirer. The first option seemed far more likely to her. Smiling, she opened the box, and found, securely nestled inside, a crystal snowflake tree-ornament, with silver ribbon looped through the top of it, about two inches in diameter. Carefully, she took it out and held it up to the light, quickly enchanted with the rainbow it was casting on the she stood and took it over to her Christmas tree, placing it right in the middle, where it sparkled proudly.

She wondered if it was meant to be a nod to her name, or whether the person who had sent it had just thought it was pretty. It _was_ pretty, and Caitlin admired it for a few moments more before flopping back down onto her couch and hugging a cushion to her, her fingers idly playing with the edging as she tried to think of who it could have come from. Then she noticed the time, and jumped up, wanting to leave herself time to stop at Jitters on her way to the lab - her pondering would have to wait until later.

* * *

"And you're absolutely sure none of you sent it?" Caitlin asked, eyeing the three men closely. It was mid-morning, and phone calls to her family and friends had turned up nothing. Neither, to her dismay, had her questioning of Cisco, Barry, and HR.

Cisco held up his hands, and then grinned. "Sounds like someone has a secret admirer," he sing-songed.

"Don't be ridiculous. I never have time to meet anyone, let alone be with someone long enough to make that kind of impression."

"Cait, they don't have to know you - maybe they've been admiring you from afar," Barry said, wearing the same stupid grin as Cisco.

"Someone who doesn't really know me has my address? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. The lab, sure, but my apartment?"

"Maybe it's someone in your building," HR supplied, tapping his drumstick against his lips in thought. "Any neighbours you frequently bump into?"

Caitlin considered this information for a moment. "Maybe..." She let out a frustrated sigh. "But then why not sign their name? There's not even a _clue_ as to who it's from."

Cisco paced briefly, then came to a stop in front of his friend, his eyes widening as if he'd just hit the jackpot. "The present must be the clue! But how...?"

Caitlin squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed a hand across her forehead. "Ok, none of this is actually helping me," she said, impatiently. "I guess I'll just... wait and see what happens. But for now, I'm forgetting about it." She sat down in front of one the computers and opened up a file. Luckily, the others took this as a sign that the conversation was over, but she did notice the concerned looks Cisco and Barry gave each other at her tone of voice before dispersing, leaving just her and HR in the cortex together.

"Why did they just look at each other like that? Should I leave, too? I don't mind, if you need to be alone..."

"No, HR," Caitlin replied, looking up at him with a small, tired smile. "It's fine. They just... It's a long story. They worry about me, is all. But I'm sure it's nothing bad, this time."

"This time?"

"Like I said, long story. Another time, perhaps."

HR returned her smile, satisfied with her answer. "Another coffee?"

"Tea would be nice."

He nodded. "I'll get right on that."

* * *

 **December 14th.**

"Sign here."

Caitlin scribbled her signature on the touchpad, and tipped the delivery guy before closing the door and moving to sit on her couch. As she had the day before, she placed the package on her coffee table, and stared at it, chewing her lip as she did, eyes momentarily unblinking. It was a little bigger than the one she'd received the day before, and when she finally opened it, she found herself looking down at a beautiful pair of dove-grey cashmere gloves, with little bows on the cuffs. Cashmere wasn't cheap, especially at this quality, she realised, as she ran a hand across the soft material. Not feeling the cold anymore, she hadn't bothered to really wrap herself up as winter set in, but these were too pretty to be left unworn.

As she lifted out the second glove, she noticed a small note tucked into the box. Caitlin's stomach churned in anticipation as she unfolded it and began to read.

 _'A back-to-front Twelve Days of Christmas - a little artistic license, if you will. You're part of the reason why I'm not alone this year.'_

That was it. It wasn't signed, but Caitlin felt a spark of excitement zip through her. So it was someone she'd helped... But who? And whoever it was, she really didn't need them to thank her in such a generous way, especially if it was romantic on their part, because she hated that she'd more-than-likely have to turn them down if it was, but she still couldn't help but look forward to what would come next, mostly because it might give her more of a clue as to who this person was than the gifts themselves, as thoughtful as they were. She was torn about what to do with them. Part of her wanted to keep them packed away, so the sender could return them once she found out who they were, but the other part didn't want to come across as ungrateful, when they'd clearly gone to so much trouble. She read the note again:

 _'... You're part of the reason why I'm not alone his year.'_

Hmm, maybe not romantic after all, although, she supposed, it could be that this person had been reunited with family, and not necessarily found someone to fall in love with, but they'd dealt with so many people and situations this past year, that she couldn't even begin to think of who it could be.

Jiggling her knees up and down as she sat, trying to make a decision, she eventually decided that she _would_ wear the gloves after all - even though she didn't actually need them, it was a bit of normality, and kept up the illusion that she was still exactly who she'd always been - to those outside of her inner circle, anyway.

As she got ready to leave, she slipped the gloves on, the softness comforting her. Maybe that was all she needed, in which case, they still served a purpose after all.

* * *

"So, wait - what happens on the twelfth day? What if they show up at your apartment? I mean, I know what I said yesterday, about a secret admirer, but that was when we thought it was one gift. What if they're actually a secret psychopath?" Cisco said, coming to stand in front of his friend with a deeply concerned look on his face.

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "I doubt they're going to come to my apartment. Plus, I think I can defend myself if I really need to," she added, looking down at the inhibitors on her wrists.

"It shouldn't have to come to that, Caitlin. And Cisco's right - this is different, and after-"

"-After _what_ , Barry?" Caitlin snapped, cutting him off. "After Ronnie? After being tricked by Zoom? You think that now every time something good happens to me, that it can't possibly be for a good and honest reason? That this can't really be someone who just wants to say thank you? That someone can't like me without an ulterior motive? For once, can I not enjoy something? Can I not be happy about something that could be completely innocent? And so what if it did turn out to be someone who had fallen for me? You think I'd be in danger if I turned them down, because I can only attract psychopaths? Well, gee, _thanks_." She walked away from them, but she hadn't even made it out of the cortex before she stopped and took a deep breath. "I'm not made of glass," she said, a little calmer, her back still to them. "I know what I've been through, and I know you care, of course you do - but, let me figure this out myself, and if at any point it doesn't feel right, I'll tell you. I promise."

Cisco nodded, even though she couldn't see him. "Ok," he said, quietly, apologetically. "Deal."

Caitlin knew it wouldn't stop them from keeping a wary eye out, but it was good enough. "Thank you."

* * *

Later that night, having successfully managed to avoid thinking too much about who her mysterious gift-giver was for a good part of the day, her curiosity was back in full force. Standing in the doorway to her living room, hands wrapped around a hot chocolate and staring at the new ornament on her tree, she tapped one, perfectly manicured nail against the side of her mug as she thought, her eyebrows knitting together as she considered who it could be, but after running through all the options she could think of, none of them seemed to fit.

The crystal snowflake hung from its branch delicately, and she moved towards it, stopping once more to admire its beauty as it twinkled, caught in the moonlight streaming in through the window. It had clearly been picked with thought rather than just at random, and she wasn't sure how she knew that, but she just _did_. For a moment, she let herself get lost in a daydream, where the person sending her gifts turned out to be the one who would mend her fractured heart, who she would fall in love with... Caitlin shook her head. After everything she'd been through, it wouldn't do to think such things, to once again get her hopes up. If it was just the generosity of someone who wanted to thank her in a special way, then that was just as good.

With a sigh, she turned and headed to her bedroom, ready to curl up with her drink and a book, before settling down to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Again, there are some light spoilers for future episodes - I allude to a couple of things, but it's only based on what's been mentioned/shown about those episodes so far.**

 **Also, I'm not very good at writing action/science stuff, which is why the metahuman mentioned in this chapter is just that - mentioned.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **December 15th.**

"Hey."

Caitlin jumped out of her skin. "Jesus! HR- _Harry_!" she exclaimed, spinning round and seeing that the voice belonged not to Earth-Nineteen Wells, but Earth-Two Wells. A smile crept across her face as Harry chuckled at her reaction, and she lightly smacked him on the arm for good measure. There was no denying that it was good to see him, and she pulled him in for a hug. "What are you doing here?" she asked, leaning back to look at him. "Is Jesse with you?"

"Yes, but I'm sure you can guess where she ran off to as soon as she could," Harry said, with a sigh that could only come from a father worried about his daughter. They pulled apart from the embrace, Caitlin holding her breath as Harry's face became serious. "I heard, about what happened with Wally."

"Ah, yes. He's... You don't have to worry. He's doing ok."

"I heard that, too. And..." Harry stared at her hesitantly for a second, and Caitlin suddenly couldn't look at him. "How about you? Are _you_ ok?"

Caitlin shrugged, flashing him a brave smile that didn't quite meet her eyes before looking away again. The question wasn't unexpected (especially as he'd arrived before her, which had obviously given Cisco time to catch him up on a few things), but she was caught off-guard all the same, and her stomach sank as she was reminded of recent events. She pushed up the sleeves of her coat to show him her wrists. "Cisco made me these inhibitors. I... I was horrified at what happened, what I did... I just couldn't control..." A hand on her shoulder gave her the courage to look back up at him, although she found herself having to fight tears as she did, which mortified her - the last thing she wanted was to cry in front of him.

Harry offered her a sympathetic smile. "It wasn't your fault. And I know you know that."

She nodded, and took a few, steadying breaths before she felt able to speak again. "I do. But it was still... _Anyway_ ," she said, moving to change the subject, "that isn't all we've had to deal with."

"Yes. Honestly, I leave you alone for a few months..."

Caitlin huffed a laugh.

"And as for "HR"," he continued, using air quotes around his doppelgänger's name, "please explain to me why he's still here, why you didn't kick his ass back to where he came from as soon as you found out he was a fraud."

"We gave _you_ a second chance, didn't we?"

Harry at least had the good grace to look contrite. "But still, you need a _scientist._ "

"I think we just need a Harrison," Caitlin replied, trying not to smile as she teased him.

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh, really? So I'm defunct, now? Tossed to one side like a toy the day after Christmas?"

She laughed properly this time. "Oh, Harry, I've missed you. Come on, I'd better make my presence known before they wonder where I am." She started up the corridor, and he followed her, hands in his pockets, pretending to sulk.

"I don't like him."

"I know. Just play nice, ok?"

"By the way, you look... _cosy_."

Caitlin pulled a face at his odd compliment. "Thanks. I know it seems a bit silly, but it's-"

"-Comforting?"

"Yeah, that's exactly it - _comforting_."

"Good."

When they arrived at the cortex, Cisco immediately waved a finger over Caitlin's attire. "What's this?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "You know what it is."

He was, of course, referring to her new hat and scarf, which just so happened to be a perfect match for her gloves. She'd smiled broadly when she'd opened the package, and sent a silent thank you out into the ether, hoping the sender knew just how much they were appreciated.

"Ah, another gift from your secret admirer," HR grinned, jumping up from his chair and walking over, as if to examine her. He completely missed the glare that Harry sent his way. "You look..." he flicked his wrist about, trying to search for the right word, "... Comforted."

"Wow, you know, for a writer, you really have a way with words..."

" _Harry_..." Caitlin threw a warning look his way.

HR just brushed it off. "He's right. What I meant, was, it makes you feel safe, secure. Very important, considering. He's got good taste."

"How do you know it's a 'he'?"

Before HR could respond, Harry folded his arms across his chest and took a step towards Caitlin, looking at her quizzically. "Secret admirer?"

She almost blushed. Almost* Instead, she shrugged. "Just gifts from a grateful citizen."

"And there's been more than one?"

"There has. I think it's sweet. Barry and Cisco think I've attracted the attentions of a psychopath, but we've come to an agreement on how to handle it, haven't we?" She turned to Cisco, smiling sweetly at him, daring him to say different.

"Yeah, although, how is it that _you're_ getting all the presents? _I_ haven't had anything, _Barry_ hasn't had anything - there's been no "To The Flash, Care of 'STAR Labs' or 'Central City Police'", has there? We're all part of the same crime fighting team, which means that unless you've been moonlighting, this person definitely has the hots for you."

"Not necessarily - maybe it was something I did in particular that they were thankful for."

Cisco shook his head. "Someone's fallen for you, mark my words. When you eventually find out, I'll be the one saying "I told you so"." He flopped down into a chair.

"Well, whoever it turns out to be, I'll deal with it. It's very nice of them, and to be honest, it's cheered me up."

Cisco glanced up at her a little sheepishly. "Yeah," he agreed, "that's definitely a positive."

Caitlin smiled fondly at him. "It really is. And it's nice to have something to look forward to.

Harry, trying to be nonchalant, leaned against the computer station and pulled a face. "Look forward to?"

"They're doing the Twelve Days of Christmas."

"But that doesn't start until Christmas Day."

Caitlin eyed him suspiciously. "It's in reverse... Please, tell me you're not about to react the same way Barry and Cisco did?" She walked towards him, her gaze narrowed.

"No, ma'am," he replied, a little too fast, standing up straight with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

Cisco snickered. "As if he'd dare after the last time you put him in his place."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You take great joy in reminding me about that, don't you." It wasn't a question.

"Uh, yeah."

Harry opened his mouth, glaring at the younger man, but before he could speak again, the power to the entire building went out.

* * *

 **December 16th.**

They were exhausted. Trudging into the cortex in the early hours of the next morning, after having sent the latest evil metahuman to Iron Heights, the team collapsed into chairs, unable to even summon the energy to go home. The loss of power, it turned out, had been citywide, thanks to a man who had become a human EMP. Finding him had not been easy, especially once the day had worn on and the sun had set, and he'd not been the only one causing trouble that night, as looters took advantage and caused havoc in the streets, the CCPD out in full force, trying to take control of the situation. It had been dangerous, and scary, and Barry had had to think fast, the power going on and off as Cisco and Harry had fought to keep it on in S.T.A.R. Labs once they knew what they were dealing with.

Caitlin yawned, and slumped in her seat. She was exhausted, her hair in disarray and mascara smudged under her eyes. To her right, HR sat furiously jotting down notes. To her left, sat Harry. She let her head roll towards him, and he smiled at her, just as exhausted, but with a twinkle in his eye that she couldn't quite place. She returned it, her stomach suddenly full of butterflies. Then his expression changed, as if he'd just made an important discovery, and the eye-contact between them broke.

"Cisco!" Harry sat up, smiling somewhat victoriously at the younger man. "We never got a chance to name him!"

"What do you mean "We"?" Then he saw what Harry was about to do. "DON'T!"

"Blackout!"

"Don't say-"

"-BOOM!"

"I hate you so much."

Caitlin laughed, and when Harry caught her eye again, she beamed at him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa - wait." Cisco gestured between the two of them. "What is this? Huh? Caitlin?"

"I don't know what you mean," she said, playing innocent.

"Were you two conspiring against me, _together_?"

"Oh, don't be-"

"- _Traitor_!"

Jesse, who was sitting next to Barry, the both of them famished and shoving food into their mouths almost as fast as they could run, grinned at Cisco teasingly. "And I thought my dad was a drama queen."

"Hey!" Harry protested, pretending to look wounded.

"Look, 'Lil Miss Quick, the naming of meta humans is a right of passage - it has to be earned. You can't just march in and-"

"-I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my awesomeness."

Cisco jabbed a finger in Harry's direction in retaliation. "I think I liked you better when you were an ass."

Harry grinned and clasped his hands together, letting them rest them over his heart. "You say the sweetest things."

The sound of HR laughing pulled their attention away from each other. "Y'know, you two would make a great comedy act. In fact, I'm very much inclined to write you that way."

"Please, don't."

"What does he mean 'write' us that way?" Harry asked, warily, looking at Cisco like he was afraid of the answer.

"Being here, watching you guys... It's giving me some great material for my next book."

Caitlin, highly amused by the situation, grudgingly stepped in to end it, cutting Harry off before he could throw a thinly-veiled insult HR's way - or worse. "And on that note, I think it's time for us all to get some sleep." She yawned to prove her point.

As they all, finally, filed out, Caitlin couldn't help but smile to herself as she thought about what the rest of the day would bring once she woke up.

* * *

Later that morning, Caitlin sat at the breakfast counter in her kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee, once again staring at a pretty box in front of her with a mixture of guilt and excitement. Slowly, she lifted the lid, and was greeted with burgundy tissue paper, the two sides pulled together and stuck down with a gold star. Carefully peeling the star from one half of the sheet, she pulled the sides back, and grinned as she looked down at a navy, leather-bound book, the word 'Journal' embossed in gold across the middle, as well as her initials at the bottom of the cover. She lifted it out, the buttery leather soft between her hands, and flipped through the blank pages. A note slipped out from beneath the cover, and she grabbed at it, excited for what might be another clue, perhaps something that could point her towards this generous person's identity.

 _"Life is tough, sometimes, even for the strongest. I find it helps to write things down, so thoughts and feelings become clearer, less muddled. And there's something about writing these things by hand, in a book, that a computer just can't compete with."_

Ok, not really a clue, but it was a lovely sentiment all the same, and one she found herself agreeing with. It was weird, how this person had ended up sending her gifts that had, so far, been helpful to her, and made her feel a little better about her still-new situation.

Caitlin glanced at the clock, decided she didn't need to be at work just yet, grabbed a pen, and opened the first page of her brand new journal.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** **Apart from the beginning, this chapter is just Caitlin and Harry, as was meant, but is also something for those of you who will be sad that he's about to disappear again for a little while (sorry!). It would have been up sooner, but I wanted to watch the 'Killer Frost' episode first, so I could fix and change anything that didn't sound plausible.**

* * *

 **December 17th.**

A smile on her pretty face, Caitlin walked up the street feeling as light as air, as if she were walking on a cloud. It was a beautiful mid-December day - the sun was shining, the air was crisp, and people were out taking advantage of the last weekend before Christmas to finish up their festive shopping. She felt happier than she had in a long while, as she weaved in and out of the crowds, coffee in hand, thinking not only of her gift that morning, but of a certain someone, the revelation of which had taken her completely by surprise.

Harrison Wells.

The last couple of days with him had been... _different_. Of course, he was a lot easier to get along with nowadays, but there was something else, something that made her smile wider, laugh louder, something that made her skin prickle and her stomach buzz and her breath catch whenever she was near him, especially if she was right _next_ to him. She had no clue as to what he was thinking, what _his_ feelings were about it, or whether he even felt anything at all - he could, after all, just be a much happier, friendlier person all-round now that Jesse was doing well and things on his Earth were gradually getting back to how they should be. Still, she couldn't help but wonder, dangerous as it was, about what it would be like.

In hindsight, she should have known better.

One moment, Caitlin was sipping on her coffee and smiling to herself as she paused by a store window to admire their glittering display of snow capped trees under silver stars, and the next she was falling to the ground, her legs collapsing under her as someone yanked on her handbag. Her head hit the hard, rough surface of the pavement, and the biting sting of torn skin shot through her. She'd landed somewhat awkwardly on her side, and as concerned passersby stopped to help her, she suddenly remembered feeling the crunch of something breaking. Sitting up, she pushed up the sleeve of her right arm, and her stomach dropped as she saw the damage to Cisco's power-dampening cuff. She quickly checked the other one, which was thankfully still intact, and allowed herself to be helped up, her head spinning a little, and she closed her eyes to try and push it away.

"Are you all right? You should get yourself checked out - I can take you to the hospital?"

Caitlin opened her eyes, her gaze landing on a kindly old lady with curly grey hair and a touch too much rouge, and... She frowned. Something wasn't right. "No, I, I'm fine - but thank you."

"You don't look well, honey."

Caitlin forced a smile. "I'm ok, really. I..." she glanced around, and realised she was very near to the Central City Picture News offices. "My friend works close by. I'll call the police when I get to her."

"Let me help you there," someone else offered, gently placing a hand on her arm.

"I said I'm fine!" Caitlin snatched her arm away, breathing heavily as those around her gasped at her outburst. "I'm sorry, thank you for your help, but I have to go..." She took off, hurrying down the street, unable to stop the anger building inside her. One cuff was clearly not enough, and she fought the urge to both cry and scream. She no longer had her cell, was no longer able to contact anyone to come and rescue her before she did something she would later regret, especially if she saw the jerk who had done this to her, and that thought, how he dared to attack her and then steal from her, just made the anger bubble up even more. Caitlin moved faster, the news offices now in sight, but a commotion on the other side of the street caught her attention, and she looked over to see the coward himself being grabbed by a much bigger man, another unsuspecting victim's belongings in his possession.

And that was it. She couldn't fight it any longer.

Caitlin ripped off the remaining cuff so that she had use of both her hands, and lifted them, a mist of icy air swirling around them as she took aim at the man who had wronged her.

* * *

"Go away!"

At that precise moment, Caitlin didn't care if she sounded like a petulant child. She was tired, upset, embarrassed, sore, and she just really, _really_ wanted this day to be over and done with.

She'd been lucky. The commotion and screaming had the staff of the Central City Picture News running outside to see what was going on, Iris among them. Once her friend had seen her, she'd run over, trying her best to talk to her and calm her down. Her intervention had probably saved that scumbag's life. Caitlin shook her head. No, he didn't deserve to die. He deserved to be in prison, but he didn't deserve death. One icicle had caught him just above his hip, but it was a minor injury, and he was fine.

Iris had called Barry, and had then called on her dad to quickly come and work damage control so Caitlin didn't get tossed into Iron Heights, and it had been a close call. After her altercation with Julian, things were already precarious.

She was thankful, extremely so. But she was mortified, and even though she had forgiven him, she couldn't help but feel resentful towards Barry all over again.

Another knock on the door echoed through her apartment, and she groaned, pulling a cushion over her face as she flopped over on the couch.

 _"Snow, I know you're in there. Open the door. Please."_

Caitlin sat bolt upright as she heard Harry's voice, muffled by the door, the cushion flying off her face and bouncing off the coffee table. He was the last person she wanted to see. She'd managed to mostly avoid him on her return to S.T.A.R. Labs, keeping him working in the background as Cisco fussed over her, placing another set of cuffs on her wrists, cleaning the cut just above her temple and muttering to himself about how his design should have been stronger, tougher, that it was his fault the cuff has broken so easily. It wasn't his fault, of course, and she had told him so, but no amount of reassurance had made him feel any less responsible.

 _"Come on, you got hurt, and you were limping a little, so I just want to make sure you're not walking around in circles, trying to reach the kitchen or something and never getting there. I'd hate for you to starve to death."_

She snorted, then quickly composed herself, despite her finding his deliberate scientific inaccuracy amusing, as had been his obvious intention.

 _"Also, if you don't open the door, I'll open it myself."_

He damn well would, as well. He sounded more concerned than angry, which was all the more reason for him to mean what he said.

 _"Caitlin..."_

Harry's voice was softer, this time, pleading with her in a way that was genuine, unlike the time he'd pulled puppy-eyes on her to try and get her to talk Jesse out of becoming a hero like Barry. It was rare to hear him like this, so with a sigh she pushed herself up and made her way across to the door. She opened it, enough so that he could see her, but not enough for him to be able to walk past her - she had no intention of letting him in.

"See? I'm fine. You can go, now." She spoke in a rush, not looking at him, then tried to close the door, until Harry curled his hand around it, holding it open. There was silence for a moment, and then he huffed a laugh, which caused her to look up at him, confused. She wished she hadn't, because it just made her stomach do that flippy-floppy thing again, as it had been doing every time she caught his eye or thought about him since he'd returned. "What?" She demanded, annoyed that he was laughing, given the circumstances of the day so far.

He knocked his expression back down to a small smile. "Sorry." he pointed to the slogan on the oversized sweatshirt she was wearing, which read "Nothing to Wear". "It just reminded me of Jesse - she has a wardrobe full of clothes, but every so often, if she has to be somewhere deemed "important" in teenage terms, that is what I'll hear. But, anyway..." Harry's eyes turned serious again, and Caitlin looked away once more.

"Like I said, I'm fine. Just tired. In fact, I was just about to take a nap, so-"

"-At eight p.m.? Snow, come on - I just want to talk to you. Jesse and I are leaving, soon, and I wanted to make sure you were all right. I didn't get a chance at the lab, what with you doing your best to avoid me."

Caitlin's mouth fell open indignantly. "I..." she sighed. There was no point lying. "You haven't seen me like... I just..." She gave in, turning and walking away from the door. Harry stepped in and closed it behind him, walking into the living room and stopping at the foot of the couch she'd just sat back down on, the fallen cushion now on her lap. Her fingers played nervously with the zip. "You can sit."

"Oh, good, because that didn't feel awkward at all."

She almost smirked at that. She felt the other end of the couch dip as his weight pressed into it, and then she looked up at him. He smiled softly at her, and she wanted to cry. How could she have been so naive, _again_? Even if he ever _did_ feel the same way about her, there was no way she could be with him, there was no way she could be with _anyone_ in that way. Her feelings for him, her stupid daydream about her mysterious gift-giver, they were all futile. It was too dangerous - she could accidentally seriously hurt him, and that didn't bear thinking about. She would be alone, forever. She'd had her chance. She'd been married and widowed all before the age of thirty, and now there could never be anyone else. At the grand old age of twenty-nine, she was done with love, and all the hopes of the future it could promise.

Harry reached across her coffee table to pull a tissue from the box that was resting on it. "Here."

It was only then that Caitlin realised she was crying. "Oh, god," she said, taking it from him and dabbing at her eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Not 'fine', then. You do realise you're allowed to be not-fine, right?"

Caitlin sniffed. "I'm fed up with not being 'fine'. I'm tired, Harry, and I'm scared."

"Of course you are, but one day, you won't be."

"Maybe not, but I'll be alone forever. This is my life, now. I'm just going to have to get used to it, because I can't stop it. I can feel her inside of me, and she's angry, and the more I use my powers, the more she takes over, and the harder it is to fight against it, because it's like a drug - I get a little bit more addicted every time."

"I know, and I can understand why. But, Barry said you didn't kill him because underneath all the anger and the hurt, you were still there - the kind, caring, _brilliant_ Dr Caitlin Snow, was still there. That extension of you, that part of you that's angry - she doesn't have to stay angry forever. She's just a manifestation of everything you've been through and kept bottled up."

Caitlin let out a huff of exasperation. "And how exactly do I stop her from being angry?"

"I... I don't know," Harry admitted, staring down at his hands as if willing them to tell him the answer, or at least impart some deep knowledge or wisdom. "I know, given the situation, it's not as easy as just finding someone impartial to talk to, although I do think that could help." He glanced at her, seemingly trying to gauge her reaction to him suggesting she see a therapist, but Caitlin found herself agreeing with him, because it wasn't a bad idea, and maybe she could at least gain some coping mechanisms from it. "Just because we don't know right now," Harry continued, "doesn't mean we won't at some point. We're not just going to give up on you, we're not going to say "This is your life, now, get used to it". And you'll never be alone - there are plenty of people around you who will make sure of that."

Caitlin gave her eyes one last wipe, and proceeded to play with the tissue in her hands. "I didn't mean 'completely'. I know I have Cisco, and Barry, and the Wests, and you and Jesse. At least, I think I have you."

"You do."

She managed a small smile. "Good. But..."

"You meant falling in love."

"Yeah." Caitlin really didn't want to have this conversation with him. "Even if the cuffs aren't a passion killer," she winced at her choice of words, "then there would always be the threat of me hurting them by accident, or worse. I'd never be able to live with myself if that happened."

Harry sighed and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands. He turned his head to look at her. "Today was awful for you, I know that - we all do. But Cisco and I are already looking at ways to make them stronger, so that the only way you could accidentally hurt someone would be if you weren't wearing them. And in the future, we might figure out a way for you to not need them anymore. The things you want in life - you can still have them. There's still someone out there, someone who won't care about cuffs, someone who will want to be with you, no matter what." He paused a moment, then shifted to face her fully. "You know, you're one of the strongest people I know, and that's the truth. You grieved for your husband _twice_ \- I can only imagine what it would have done to me to have to grieve for my wife all over again. Then you thought you'd found someone again, and then you had to mourn for _him_ , until you found out he was alive and well and actually a murdering lunatic, one who kidnapped you, and now you're having to deal with being a meta, and you're _still_ standing. You might not feel like it, but you are; you don't have to feel strong to _be_ strong. You could have given up a long time ago, quit your job and hidden away from the world, but you didn't. You could have gone down a completely different path, but you didn't. And you're not _her_. You might be similar, in some ways, but you're completely different in others. You've been lucky enough to have people around you who support and encourage you in the _right_ way, and so far, that's trumped any anger you have in you. Not instantly, granted, but it has, especially when faced with what Barry threw out at you - you're not a killer."

Caitlin took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly, her eyes fixed unblinkingly on the man in front of her, and damn it if that speech only served to make her want him more, but... "I need to go."

"What?"

She shook her head, clearing away the cobwebs and focusing on him properly. "I mean, you saying that, me hearing all of it like that, in one go... I need a _break_. I need to go away, from all of this, clear my head and focus on _me_ for a change. I need to find myself - isn't that what they call it? I need to stop worrying about what my life will be like in the future, and concentrate on what I'm doing _now_. And right now, I'm not being very good to myself." Caitlin watched Harry closely as he processed what she'd just said, expecting him to say that now wasn't a good time for her to disappear on her own, that it wasn't safe. She was wrong.

"... That's... Yes."

"Yes?"

Harry smiled at her. "You _should_ go. Get away from here for a while. Be in unfamiliar places where you're not constantly surrounded by reminders."

"Yes!" Caitlin sprung up, suddenly feeling excited in a way she hadn't felt in a very long time. She walked around the coffee table and paced the floor. "My grandparents had a cabin in Connecticut - my mom rents it out sometimes, but I don't think it's been used for a while. It's beautiful there. Fresh air, walking the trails, the scenery... Just me, and nature." She stopped pacing and looked at Harry meaningfully. "I just need to breathe, you know? Get away from... everything. I've lost who I am. I mean, I know I'm a doctor, a scientist, a colleague, a friend, but what about when I'm not being those things? Who am I outside of Team Flash? Who was I before the particle accelerator exploded, before I lost Ronnie, and am I still that same person? It's like, you know when you're standing in a room full of people, and you feel like you're in a bubble - your body is there, but you're not, not really. And the harder you try to make yourself present, the more detached you feel. Or when you're walking down the street, and everyone is rushing past you, and you feel like you're standing still. I just can't breathe anymore, in the metaphorical sense, and I really, _really_ need to."

Harry nodded up at her, his empathetic expression telling her that he knew exactly what she meant before he even said it. "I know."

Caitlin flopped back down next to him, a few strands of wavy hair escaping the messy top-knot she'd thrown it into. As she tucked them behind her ears, a thought occurred to her, and she deflated a little. "What if something happens to one of the team and I'm not there? I'm the only one with medical training, and they can't very well-"

Harry cut her off by putting a hand up. "We'll think of something. After all, if you hadn't studied medicine, or weren't a member of the team, they'd have to find a way, right?"

She wasn't entirely convinced. "I suppose..."

"Look, I'll do my best to make sure everyone stays alive and well. Anything happens, we'll deal with it."

"I..." She gave up. Then she realised what he'd said. "What do you mean 'We'? I thought you and Jesse were going home?"

"We are. But we got harassed into spending Christmas Day at Joe's. I guess I could stick around for a bit, after. Things have been going well back on our Earth, so I think I can spare a few weeks."

Caitlin chewed her lip. "And, um, what if I'm gone a bit longer than that?"

Harry's eyes widened a little. "Then... Yes. I mean, I can always pop back and forth to check on things back home." His face softened. "Take all the time you need."

"And, Cisco? He's been... I'd feel bad leaving him. He still... He's sad, when he thinks no one is looking. I wouldn't want him to think I was abandoning him."

"I'll keep an eye on him, I promise. You just do what you need to do. Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves, no matter what we're leaving behind. It's not selfish, it's self-preservation - if you want to help others, you have to start by helping yourself."

She reached over to take his hand, and squeezed it a little. There was something in the way he was looking at her that she couldn't quite place - and not for the first time. "Thank you, Harry." His skin was warm, a mix of rough and smooth, caused by years of creating in the name of science. It sent a spark through her, and she wasn't sure if she'd be able to let go. But she had to.

"You're welcome. So," Harry said, his tone signalling a change in subject, "what did you get today?"

"Huh?" Caitlin responded, a little dazed. Then her brain registered what he was talking about. "Oh!" She felt herself flush a little. "Wait here."

When she returned, Caitlin was carefully carrying a snow globe on an intricately carved, wooden mount. Inside the globe sat a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. She tipped it up, letting the snow settle at the top, and wound the winding key that was underneath the base. As it started to play Silent Night, Caitlin placed it down on the coffee table, smiling as the snow floated down over the tree. "Isn't it pretty?" she said, sitting back down and leaning forward to stare at it. "I used to collect snow globes when I was little. My very first one had a carousel horse inside. It was pink and white and blue, and had a gold pole, and I was devastated when it broke. I've still got the horse in a box somewhere."

"I know."

Caitlin whipped her head round, slightly alarmed. "You do?"

"Not about the horse," Harry quickly clarified. "I can't remember how we got onto the subject, but Cisco once told me that you used to collect them."

"Seems an odd thing to bring up."

"Perhaps. Like I said, I can't remember. But," he said, reaching out and picking up the globe, "this one is very nice."

Caitlin ran her eyes over him, studying him intensely.

"What?"

She smiled. "Nothing. I just... I'm still seeing different sides of you that surprise me, that's all."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good, obviously."

Harry smirked, and placed the globe back down. "Just don't tell the others - I have a reputation to uphold, after all."

Caitlin mimed zipping her mouth shut. "My lips are sealed."

"Thank you. And, on that note, I suppose I should get going. Do you need anything, before I leave?"

She shook her head. "No, but thanks - you get back to Jesse." She paused. "Um, Harry?"

"Hmm?" he asked, as he stood and buttoned up his coat.

"Thank you, for coming to see me," she said, standing with him. "And helping. Honestly, I'm terrified, but I really need to do this - get away, that is. I need to work through my issues, deal with everything I've been holding in in a proactive way."

Harry smiled kindly at her, his blue eyes twinkling. "You're welcome. Will you stay for Christmas?"

"Oh, yeah, it won't be that soon. But, afterwards, probably. So, I guess I'll see you and Jesse next weekend."

"I guess you will."

They stood there staring at each other for a few moments, caught in an awkward goodbye dance. Then Caitlin took a breath and wrapped her arms around his neck. He hugged her back, and then she let him go. No matter what her feelings towards him, she'd just made some big plans, and she was sticking to them.

After he'd gone, Caitlin made herself some tea, retrieved her journal and a pen, and started to write.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I've been pretty busy, and my health hasn't been great (unfortunately, that's a permanent thing, but I've been more fatigued than usual). So, this fic won't be finished by Christmas, like I'd planned, but there's nothing wrong with dragging out the festive season!**  
 **Also, I'd been trying to follow the show's storyline as much as possible (with the exception of Snowells, obviously), but now it's on break the rest of the fic will be completely AU.**

 **I wanted Caitlin and Iris to spend some time together, as we never really see that, so they might be a little OOC, but then I don't think we've ever seen them sitting down together and having a gossip, so who knows?!**

* * *

 **December 18th.**

"It said _what_?!" Iris snorted into her coffee, the liquid splashing up her nose and onto her chin. She quickly grabbed a paper napkin and wiped it away, still laughing. "Oh, my god - seriously?!"

Grinning, still giggling away herself, Caitlin reached into her handbag and pulled out her keys. She took hold of one of the keychains - that day's gift - and held it out to her friend. "See?"

Iris peered at it, and then grabbed it for closer inspection before aiming a raised eyebrow at the amused bioengineer. "So, is it true?"

"Iris!"

"What?!"

"And anyway, you should know if it's true, right?"

Iris gasped, and then pressed her lips together, her eyes widening, and Caitlin smiled at her smugly. "Ha! Gotcha." She retrieved her keys and dropped them back into her purse.

"I just can't believe you're actually using it."

"It was a gift, it would be rude not to." And, obviously, as the keychain stated, scientists _did_ do it better. She smirked.

"Hmm, y'know, I definitely think a guy sent you this."

"Or a woman with a slightly risqué sense of humour?"

Iris swallowed a mouthful of coffee. "For real? C'mon."

"What? It's entirely possible."

"Ok, it is," Iris conceded, "but still. What does your gut tell you?"

Caitlin sat back and sipped her own drink, one she was now regretting, because she was sure a peppermint latte wasn't meant to be that sweet. "I... okay, my gut does say that this person is male, even though it could absolutely be wrong," she held a finger up to put a hold on the way Iris's face had started to light up. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, because I still appreciate it either way, and also, I'll be gone, soon."

"You say it like it's forever." Iris narrowed her eyes at her. "It's _not_ forever, right?"

Caitlin shook her head. "No, of course not."

"Good." Iris paused for a moment, and then her face turned serious. She leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. "Are you sure you'll be ok? I'm not saying don't go, because I absolutely agree that it's a good idea, but-"

"-I'll be fine," Caitlin smiled, putting her hand on top of Iris's in a gesture of reassurance. In reality, she didn't know how she would be, she only knew that it needed to be done. "Please don't worry.'

"Just, if you ever feel like you need someone while you're gone, you can call me, okay?"

"I know. Thank you."

Iris nodded. "And watch out for bears."

Caitlin laughed.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while as they finished their drinks. Caitlin didn't have many girlfriends, and those she did have she didn't get to see very often, so she was grateful that she knew Iris West, and that she had become such a good friend. She loved Cisco with all her heart, but sometimes she just wanted another female to talk to, to have a good gossip with.

"So..." Iris started, placing her now empty mug on the table. "What's the deal with you and HR?"

Caitlin blinked, completely caught off-guard by the question. "What?"

Iris sat back in her seat, one eyebrow raised quizzically. "You've been weird with him all morning. You barely looked at him when you came in, and when he tried talking to you, you brushed him off and walked away. He looked hurt. I know he can be a little overbearing at times, and we're still getting used to him, but he's not _that_ bad - did something happen between you two...?" Saying those words out loud seem to jog something in Iris, and she gasped. "Did he make a move on you?!"

"What?! No!"

"Then what is it?"

"It's... Nothing. It's nothing."

"Caitlin..."

" _Nothing_ , I promise. I'll apologise to him when we get back."

Clearly, from the way she was looking at her, Iris didn't believe her, but she dropped the subject all the same. Guilt swept over her as she thought about what Iris had said about HR, that she'd hurt his feelings - she'd definitely rectify that when they got back to the lab.

Definitely.

* * *

Definitely, it turned out, was a big, fat lie. As soon as he entered the cortex, Caitlin mumbled an excuse about needing to check on some samples, and quickly left, heading towards the speed lab, where she paced for a few moments before Iris caught up with her.

"Well, Doctor Snow, it seems you and I have very different definitions of 'nothing'.

"Iris, _please_ ," she pleaded, as she continued her back-and-forth, hands either side of her neck.

Iris sat down on the nearest step, and regarded her friend suspiciously. "Okay, I'm sorry... Could you at least quit pacing?"

"It's just..." Caitlin waved her arms in the air, as if trying to pluck out the words she needed. She quickly gave up, and pressed a hand to her forehead as she stared ahead of her. Should she tell her? What would she think? It wasn't as if she'd done it on purpose - you couldn't control your dreams, after all. What was the worst that could happen? She gave in with a sigh, her shoulders sagging in defeat. "Fine. But you have to _promise_ not to tell anyone. I mean it, Iris," Caitlin warned, "I'd never live it down if everyone knew."

"Caitlin, I wouldn't anyway, but I promise. Although, I can see it's really bothering you, so don't feel that you have-"

"-I had a sex dream about Harrison!" She blurted out, her hands instantly flying to her mouth, as if she could force the confession back inside her, eyes going wide as saucers as she heard how it sounded out loud. Oh, God. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea after all. Caitlin turned away from her friend. She could run, run right out of the lab, and... and then what? She moved her hands to her eyes, peeking through her fingers as she turned back around to find Iris staring at her with her mouth open.

A second later, Iris burst out laughing. "Is that _all_?!"

Caitlin glared at her, annoyed by her reaction, and more than a little embarrassed. "What do you mean 'Is that all'?!"

Iris tried her best to stifle her giggles. "Sorry, I'm sorry, it's just... well... whatever I was expecting, it wasn't _that_." She fanned her face a little. "Okay, okay, I'm done. So _that's_ why you can't look at him."

Caitlin dropped down beside her. "That's the thing - it wasn't HR, it was _Harry_ ," she admitted, dropping her head down and burying her face in her knees, and then she flinched when Iris suddenly screeched and repeatedly slapped her on her arm in a fit of over-excitement.

"That's completely different! _Harry_?!"

"Will you keep you voice down?! And how is it different?!"

Iris pulled a face at her and rolled her eyes. "You know damn well why it's different. I mean, sure, they look the same, and they sound the same, but apart from that..."

"Ugh, yes, yes, I know." Caitlin stood and started to pace again, her cheeks bright red with embarrassment. Of _course_ it was different. Harry's personality made him darker, more mysterious, despite how much he'd grown and changed. His speech pattern was a little different, the way he looked at her was different, the way he said her name... It just made him that much more attractive.

"I don't blame you," Iris said, breaking through her thoughts and looking up at her, "I mean, he's hot for an older guy."

Caitlin stopped and stared back at her. "Yes! Exactly - _older_ , not _old_. Older. And... You think he's hot?"

"Girl, my heart might lie elsewhere, but I'm not dead. And I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sneaked more than one peak at those arms of his."

"But... He has a teenage daughter. Is that weird?"

"For you to like him because he has a kid that's eighteen? No."

Caitlin narrowed her eyes. "I didn't say I 'liked' him. I said I had a 'dream' about him."

Iris shook her head in amusement, clearly not believing her. "Will you sit back down? You're making me dizzy." She patted the space next to her, and Caitlin did as asked.

"You know he came to see me last night?"

"What?"

"He came over to my place to check on me."

Iris raised her eyebrows at this new piece of information. "He said he had a quick errand to run before he and Jesse went home, but he never said where he was going."

"Well. That errand was me. Stop that," Caitlin quickly scolded, as Iris smirked, "you know what I mean. We talked, and then he left. He was really great, actually. It was him who made me realise that I had to get away for a while. I even cried in front of him..." She hid her face in her hands as she remembered. "Oh, _God_."

Iris smiled sympathetically at her. "Did he freak out?"

"No, he just handed me a tissue and told me I was allowed to not be fine."

"Well, he's right."

"I know. Anyway, he was nice, and he opened my eyes to a few things, and that was it."

"And then you had a sex dream about him."

"Iris!"

Iris grinned. "I'm sorry. Look, would it make you feel better if I told you I once had a dream about Cisco?"

Caitlin's mouth dropped open as she turned to face her. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, it's true. I mean, it wasn't a sex dream, but he was a really good kisser. Don't tell Barry," she whispered conspiratorially, still smiling. "So, come on, was it good?"

"I'm not-"

"-Hey, I told you mine!"

" _Bit_ different."

"Only a little. So...?"

Caitlin sighed in defeat, and glanced away from her. "Fine. Yes, it was good."

"Just 'good'?"

Oh, what the hell. "No, ok? No, it wasn't just 'good', it was incredible," Caitlin blurted out, gesticulating wildly. "It was hot, and wild, and when I woke up, I was more than a little disappointed to find that it wasn't real." She ran a hand through her hair as she breathed deeply.

"Wow. That keychain gift could not have had better timing."

They both burst out laughing at the same time.

"Iris West, I swear to God, that does not leave this room."

"I promise, I promise," Iris choked out, trying to catch her breath. "I knew it would be, you know. I didn't for one second believe that it could have been bad, especially with how red your face went." Iris calmed herself, and then bit down on her lower lip, her eyes flicking back and forth as she thought, as if she wasn't sure whether to say what she was thinking. "Cait?"

"Hmm?"

" _Do_ you have feelings for him?"

"Iris..."

"Because if you do, then I think that's great."

That was the second time that day that Iris had caught her off-guard. "You do?"

"Yeah," she replied, as if it was obvious. "When I saw you both working together the other day, it just looked _right_. You matched each other, and, not only that, you guys had some _serious_ chemistry. And, okay, I know that maybe not everyone would see it that way, but look how much the world has changed in the last few years - you have to grab happiness wherever you find it, and no one would begrudge you that."

Caitlin shrugged. "I... you're right, but even if I _did_ have feelings for him," she said, trying to throw Iris off a little, even though she knew it was a pointless effort, "I'm pretty sure he doesn't think of me in that way."

"How do you know?"

"... I-"

"Knock knock."

The two women jumped, and then stilled as they saw HR walking across the lab towards them.

"Sorry," he said, when he reached them, "I didn't mean to scare you. Miss West, do you mind if I have a quick chat with Doctor Snow?"

"Uh-"

"-Of course, it's fine." Caitlin smiled at Iris gratefully, as they both got up. "Thank you."

"Sure thing," Iris smiled back, giving her friend's arm a quick squeeze.

Once she'd left, Caitlin took a deep breath, and then glanced apologetically at the man in front of her. "I'm sorry, HR. You haven't done anything wrong, honestly, I just-"

He put a hand up to stop her. "It's all right, Caitlin. I get it."

She stared nervously at him, her stomach in knots. "You do?"

"Sure. Harry threw you off. Having him back here, being able to work with him in ways that you can't work with me, it made you realise just what you're missing when he leaves and you remember that I can't do the same."

"HR..." She felt awful. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel bad.

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. It... I know we don't always give you much of a chance, and I'm sorry, I truly am. You _do_ contribute. Not being a scientist doesn't mean you don't have anything to add to the team - you've already shown us that. You have knowledge of metas we haven't come across before, and what you _can_ do, well, you're pretty great at it."

He rewarded her with a lopsided smile. "Thank you."

She smiled back at him, and realised that it would be easier than she thought to not be reminded of Harry whenever she looked at him. "You're welcome. So, how about one of your famous coffees?"

"Ha!" HR clapped his hands together happily, then gestured grandly in front of him. "After you."

Yes, much easier than she'd thought.

* * *

 **A/N: Thoughts? Pop them in a comment - it's Christmas! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: A big thank you to everyone who's been reading! It's much appreciated :-)**

* * *

 **December 19th.**

"Thank you, too! Have a nice day!" Caitlin smiled widely as she shut the door with her foot, a large box held between her hands. Fingers crossed that today would be the day that she received another small clue as to who this mysterious sender was.

She carried it into the living room and sat down on the couch with it, one leg tucked beneath her as she found the end of the tape and ripped it from the box. She fought with the pieces that were stuck along the edges for a moment, and then she was in, opening the flaps of the box and pulling out the protective packaging before peering inside and being met with a rather fancy-looking gift basket. Caitlin lifted it out, staring at it wide-eyed. The handle of the basket was decorated with red bow tied from velvet ribbon, and inside the basket itself sat an assortment of products in luxurious-looking boxes. She took the first item out and held it up in front of her. On the matte, white box, written elegantly in rose-gold across the middle, was the brand name 'Rose de la Mer', and at the bottom, 'Day Moisturiser - SPF 25'. Curiously, she opened the box, took out an equally elegant pot, and unscrewed the lid. Caitlin lifted it to her nose for a sniff, and sighed as the scent of rose wafted around her. It was mixed with something else that she couldn't quite identify (probably the 'la Mer' part - she supposed it could be faintly like a sea-breeze, and who would have thought that that would work so well with rose?), but it was fresh and pretty, not-at-all overpowering. The cream itself had a lovely, whipped consistency, and tapping a finger into it to lift some of the product, she smoothed it across the back of her hand. It felt beautiful, and sank into her skin without leaving a sticky residue. Smiling, she screwed the lid back on, placed the pot on her coffee table, and examined the rest of the basket. There was an accompanying night cream, and a candle in a glass jar in a design similar to the Diptyque candles she was so fond of.

The thing was, while these were undoubtedly items that felt and smelt as expensive as they looked, she'd never heard of 'Rose de la Mer'. Creme de la Mer, certainly, but this similar sounding brand was one she'd never come across before.

Caitlin grabbed her laptop from where she'd left it sitting on the arm of the couch, and opened up Google, typing in the name. She frowned as the results page came up. There was a hotel by that name, a reference to a cartoon character, but nothing to do with skincare or beauty. She typed 'moisturiser' after the brand name, and hit search again. Once again, it brought up everything but. She sat back, her lips pursed as her head hit the seat cushion, her eyes flickering across the ceiling as she thought.

* * *

"No!" Caitlin exclaimed, staring at Cisco like he'd gone crazy. "We're not experimenting on it - it's too nice to be wasted. I'm sure it's completely fine."

"Okay, Cait, seriously? Just because the ingredients are on the box, it doesn't mean that's what's actually in it. You know better than that."

She did, it was true, but she refused to believe that her gifts were about to take a sinister turn. Although, it _was_ strange that she could find no trace of it, unless it was really, really exclusive, so exclusive that it was basically a secret, which meant it would no doubt be very expensive, and she was quite sure she hadn't done enough to deserve _that_ much. But did things like that even exist? Was there a list somewhere with the names of all the people who were allowed to know about and purchase it? Caitlin almost laughed at herself. What a ridiculous thought.

"Fine, but we're only using a little." At the look of triumph on Cisco's face, she added, "But that doesn't mean I believe it's poisoned or whatever other horrible thing you've concocted in that head of yours. Got it?"

Cisco waved a hand in front of him. "Yeah, yeah. I'm only looking out for you - what are best friends for?"

Caitlin's face softened. She supposed it wouldn't be fair to be too annoyed - she could see perfectly how suspicious it looked, despite her wanting to believe the best of her gift-giver, admirer, whoever it was. Taking a chance on a stranger didn't always turn out for the best in this world they lived in. "Okay, I'll go grab it during lunch."

* * *

"Ha! I knew it."

Cisco sat back in his chair, defeated, his hands behind his head. "Not that I _wanted_ it to be poisoned, obviously." He grabbed the pot of cream from next to him and tossed it to Caitlin. She caught it easily. "Here - go nuts."

Caitlin grinned. "Thank you. Tonight I shall apply my cream, light my candle, and relax in luxury."

"Hey."

Caitlin and Cisco jumped simultaneously.

"Dammit, HR, would you stop doing that?!"

The older man smirked. "Sorry. Hey, what's that smell. It's familiar..." He sniffed the air, as Caitlin and Cisco looked at each other with wide eyes and open mouths.

Cisco mouthed "Him?!" with an over-exaggerated point in HR's direction. Caitlin, a little panicked, flapped at him to be quiet.

"Yeah, it smells like Rose de la Mer..."

Cisco, who had been pressing his lips shut as tightly as he could, suddenly blurted out "Caitlin's secret admirer sent it!"

"Cisco!"

"Sorry," he said, his face twisting into an apology. Then he jumped up, and quickly walked towards the exit.

"Where are you going?!"

"Uh, an errand!" He called over his shoulder, before disappearing from sight.

Confused, Caitlin stared at HR as if he held the answer.

The man himself raised his hands up in front of himself defensively. "Don't look at me - I have no idea what's going through that brain of his. Although, with regards to your _other_ problem..." HR stared meaningfully at her, and then raised his eyebrows when Caitlin quickly looked away. "Wait, you don't think _I've_ got anything to do with this, do you? I mean, don't get me wrong, Caitlin, you're lovely - _very_ lovely - but I swear, it's not me. And... you don't have this brand here, do you." It wasn't a question.

Automatically, Caitlin said "No", and then wondered why she hadn't lied to him to keep him from looking too far into it.

"A-ha! Then, it either came from someone on my Earth, or from another Earth that carries it. Just how many people _have_ you met from within the multiverse?" He grinned widely, clearly very excited by the idea, and then rearranged his face into something calmer, concerned, even, when he saw she'd zoned out. "Caitlin?"

Blinking, Caitlin shook herself back to reality. "Huh?"

"You all right?"

He sounded so much like Harry in that moment, that her breath caught in her throat. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Um, could you do something for me?"

HR's eyes searched her face for a moment, and then he smiled softly at her. "Sure," he nodded.

"Don't... don't tell anyone what you just told me, okay? Don't ask why, just trust me. Please."

His eyes narrowed a little as he mulled over what she'd asked, and then he nodded at her. "Okay."

"Thank you."

* * *

 **December 20th.**

Caitlin stared out of her bedroom window, watching the snow fall. She liked it best at night, but even during the day it cast an air of quietness over the busy city. Pushing the window open, she breathed in the icy air, the smell of the snow calming her. She closed her eyes, and imagined just how much fresher it would smell once she got to her grandparents' cabin.

She loved the snow. She'd even once studied snowflakes under a microscope, in awe at seeing their beautiful, intricate patterns right in front of her very eyes. The only thing that made her a little sad was the fact that she wasn't cold, which would seem odd to a normal human, but was something she missed now that she didn't feel it anymore.

Caitlin stuck her tongue out, delighting in the childish joy of catching a flake on her tongue to cheer herself up. It worked, and she smiled, taking in one last, deep breath before leaning back in and closing the window.

Turning away from the scene outside, her eyes fell on an open box that sat on her nightstand. Inside was a delicate gold chain with a small, gold letter 'C' hanging from it. It was beautiful, and simple, and Caitlin didn't know how she felt about it. There were only four people in her life that came from different Earths. HR, Harry, Jesse, and Jay. Jay... Well, it wouldn't be him. HR had already told her he had nothing to do with it, which left Harry, and Jesse. Whilst Caitlin was sure that Jesse was perfectly capable of giving nice gifts, she somehow knew that it wasn't her, so that left Harry. Her stomach knotted with nerves at the thought, and she pushed her tongue against the fuzzy feeling at the back of her bottom teeth. She didn't dare hope that it was him, but the alternative was someone else who didn't belong here, and she had no idea if they were innocent or not. She was torn between wanting to believe whoever it was had the best intentions, and worrying that Cisco and Barry were right, and she could be in danger.

The thing was, if that were the case, would that person really be stupid enough to slip up before the twelve days were over, let her know that they weren't from this Earth at all and therefore put her on guard, all the while still continuing to send her presents? That didn't make sense. And if it was Harry, did he purposely drop that clue in for her?

Caitlin gripped her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't allow herself to think that it was him, because why would it be? Getting away from the city was becoming more and more inviting. She was supposed to be letting herself enjoy this, accept it for what she was told it was, and she had been, but now she was just confused. And, once again, she was hiding something from the team by not telling them what HR had said to her. She was again being stubborn, and possibly stupid, she knew, but this was something she really, _really_ wanted to handle herself. If she told Cisco that she wanted to keep going with her gut instinct, he'd just argue with her, and while she appreciated not only his concern, but how much he cared for her, so far, she had never not felt safe.

Caitlin sighed, and made her way out of her bedroom and towards the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee, sipping at it as she leaned against the worktop, trying to clear her head, the feel of the heat coming through the mug she held soothing her a little. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She'd read a lot about mindfulness, and maybe now was the time to put it into practise. The faint sounds of the city below, the weight of the mug and the warmth of it against her skin, the smell of caffine, the press of the worktop against her back, the beat of her heart... Caitlin's eyes popped open, and she gasped. What if HR had just said all that to throw her off? What if him telling her where it could possibly have come from was to make her think that he _couldn't_ have sent it, that he'd made a mistake and he was covering for himself by pretending to help her out?

She needed to find out. And soon.

* * *

"Hey, Cait," Barry greeted, as Caitlin strode into the lab, cool as a cucumber - or so she thought. As she smiled at him, she bumped into the edge of a desk, her face screwing up in pain as she yelped and clutched at her thigh.

Barry was instantly by her side, and she tried to wave him off as she hissed and rubbed at what promised to be a pretty spectacular bruise. "I'm fine, I'm fine..."

"Yeah, you look it..."

"Owwww..."

"Are you okay?"

Caitlin gave him a pointed look, and he rolled his eyes.

"I just meant that you came in looking a little highly strung."

"Oh, um, you know how it is - not enough sleep, too much coffee..." she lied, trying not to look him in the eye.

"You're not sleeping?"

Crap. Of course he'd ask questions. "It was just a one off. I'm okay, promise. So..." she said, changing the subject. "Where is everyone?"

"Uh, Cisco is around here, somewhere... As for HR, he's-"

"Gooood morning, folks!"

"-right here! Hey, HR."

"Barry, Caitlin," he chimed, his usual, chipper attitude shining through. "What are we talking about?" He rocked on his heels, a bright smile on his face, and Caitlin had to look away from him.

"Oh, nothing, really. Excuse me for a minute..." She walked back out of the cortex, then realised that she probably looked a bit suspicious, and popped her head back round the entryway. "Coffee?"

Barry frowned at her, a little amused. "You don't think you've had enough?"

"I'm... having tea. So - anything?"

"Sure, thanks."

"HR?"

"I'd love one. Let me give you a-"

But she'd disappeared before he could finish, or maybe he had, and she was already too far away to hear him.

* * *

HR kept staring at her. Caitlin could feel his eyes on her, but when she looked at him, he quickly looked away.

Hmm, interesting...

Caitlin needed a proper plan. Everything she'd been sent, apart from yesterday's surprise, was from this Earth. Well, as far as she knew. Then thing was, HR obviously hadn't arrived with it, and she was pretty sure he hadn't just popped back to Earth-19... Or had he? She wasn't in S.T.A.R Labs twenty-four-seven - there very well could have been a time when he'd asked Cisco to send him home because he had a few things he wanted to pick up. It wasn't exactly something she needed to be informed of. He could have been home and back in no time, and while she _could_ just ask Cisco if that had indeed happened, she didn't really want anyone to know just yet. Also... Wait. She hadn't seen Harry arrive the other day, and he'd clearly been there a while when she bumped into him in the corridor. Could he... She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out her conflicting thoughts. What she needed to do was - and she wasn't proud of it - have a look through HR's things and see if she could find any clues. If he had intentions towards her, then she needed to know so she would be prepared if, at the end of it, he decided to let her know it was him all along. She didn't want to assume, but if he'd fallen for her, she didn't want to hurt him when she turned him down. She needed to have all bases covered, a plan for every situation that could arise from it. If it was even him, of course.

"Hey... Hey! Earth to Caitlin."

Caitlin blinked, and reached a hand out to push Cisco's away as he clicked his fingers in front of her face. "Where'd you go?"

"Uh, nowhere, sorry. What do you need?"

"Are you coming to dinner with us." He spoke loudly, deliberately, and Caitlin rolled her eyes at him.

" _Yes_."

"Good. What is _with_ you today?" Then he softened, and lowered his voice. "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

She smiled at him, puffing out a small, reassuring laugh. "I'm fine, Cisco. So, where are we going? I'm starving."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'll try and update again before Christmas, but I'm very busy (as, I suspect, a lot of us are at this time of year!) today and tomorrow, so if I don't, I hope you all have a lovely Christmas/holiday season, and I'll be back, soon! :)**

* * *

 **December 21st.**

It was still dark out when Caitlin snuck into S.T.A.R. Labs just before six-thirty the next morning. Cradling a much-needed paper cup of coffee, she yawned as she entered the building, unlocking the doors as quietly as she could, and quickly shushing the warning beep of the security system. She stopped just inside the doors, listening carefully for any kind of movement, and then downed the rest of her coffee before throwing the cup in a trashcan to her right and taking a deep breath. She doubted very much that HR would be sitting there, watching the monitors, but that didn't help the nerves running through her, didn't stop her sleepy, Bambi-like gait as she set off towards the stairs, not wanting to take the elevator in case the noise attracted his attention. She wished she'd got more sleep, but she'd tossed and turned, caught between thoughts of Harry and HR, despite her protesting body and its best efforts to pull her down and under the curtain of deep and peaceful slumber.

Caitlin opened the door to stairs carefully, and tiptoed into the stairwell. She was dressed for the day, but her heels were in the bag that was slung over her shoulder, her feet clad in a comfy pair of snow boots. She held onto the railing as she moved towards the level that held the old staff living quarters, for those who had wanted to catch a few hours sleep while they were too deeply absorbed in a project to go home for any decent amount of time. The building felt creepy, which wasn't something she'd been able to say before, but here, now, in the near darkness, on her own, she could feel the history of the place, ghosts bleeding out from the bones of the building. She didn't really believe in ghosts, but after metahumans and aliens, she knew anything was possible, and despite the building not being old in historical terms, what had happened to this Earth's Harrison Wells, even though he hadn't died here, the man who had walked around with his face, the particle accelerator explosion, the employees who were lost, the people who were changed... She shook her head. Caitlin knew the place was perfectly fine, and the feeling that someone was about to jump out at her was just a manifestation of the situation she'd put herself in in order to try and suss out HR.

Finally reaching the right level, she opened the door barely an inch, listening intently for any movement, before deeming it safe enough to step out into the corridor. There was a light shining out from a room on the left, about thirty-feet in front of her, and she kept to the shadows, her breathing shallow and quiet. She was just about to start moving forward when the sound of whistling made her jump. Throwing a hand over her mouth, her heart pounding, Caitlin relaxed when she realised it was just HR, and pressed herself against the wall, waiting to see what would happen. She watched as his shadow appeared and danced across the corridor before he stepped out after it, still whistling, a towel slung over his shoulder. He walked away from where Caitlin was, towards the showers, and when he disappeared inside, Caitlin hurried closer, as close as she dared, and waited until she heard the sound of the water running, stifling a snigger as HR started singing to himself.

Caitlin never expected to find herself in such a ridiculous situation, but then, there were a lot of situations nowadays that she never thought she'd find herself in. Still, she never expected one of them to be her sneaking around and spying on a friend (was HR a friend? She supposed he was, now). Right, she thought, pausing outside the door to his room, here we go... The first thing she noticed, was that HR wasn't the neatest of people. The room wasn't a complete mess, but books and papers were scattered on the desk in the far corner, and a pile of his clothes sat haphazardly on the chair next to the bed - she couldn't tell if they were clean, or if he'd just substituted a laundry basket for a chair, but she sure as hell wasn't going to try and find out. Knowing she didn't have much time, Caitlin set about trying to find out what she could. The desk was the first place she looked; rifling through the papers, she looked for receipts, delivery documents, _anything_ that might give her some sort of clue, but there was nothing, not left on top or in the drawers. Biting her lip, she put her hands on her hips as she thought about where to look next, and then spotted his coat hanging on the back of the door. A quick check through his pockets didn't turn reveal anything, and she was just about to search his nightstand when she heard the door to the shower room swing open, and froze like a rabbit in the headlights. For a moment, she couldn't move, her whole body locked in place, and then her brain finally pushed her to do something before she got caught. She had seconds, so, unable to leave the room, and defeated by a lack of anywhere else to hide, she took the only option she had, and dived rather dramatically under the bed, pulling her bag out of sight just in time, as HR entered the room, humming to himself. Caitlin could only see his feet and his calves, but then his hands moved the towel as he dried himself off, and she squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to accidentally see anything she shouldn't. Besides, she thought, if she was going to see Harrison Wells completely naked, she definitely didn't want it to be HR. If she ever _did_ have a chance with Harry, she didn't want to be spoiled in advance...

Just then, HR turned and moved towards the bed, sitting down on it with a bounce, and it was all Caitlin could do not to squeak out loud. The beds in the staff rooms, while comfortable enough, weren't exactly the kind of beds that people had in their own homes, and so were lower than usual, and Caitlin's face, unfortunately, happened to be right beneath where HR was sat, with about an inch between her nose and the underside of the mattress. She tried not to look as he rubbed the towel over his legs, and then he dropped it to the floor and stood back up, and Caitlin quietly let out the breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. Then she closed her eyes tight again as he stepped into his boxers.

God, she needed to get out of here. She waited with bated breath as HR finished dressing, trying not to cough when he sprayed a bit too much deodorant, and hoping he would leave to go and get breakfast. But he didn't. He sat down at the desk, and she heard the drawer open, his hand rummaging around, and then an "Ah-ha!" as he found what he was looking for. Caitlin couldn't see what it was, and she didn't really care as long as it meant that he left the room.

He didn't.

Getting desperate, and becoming increasingly uncomfortable on the hard floor, Caitlin, as carefully and as quietly as she could, stuck her hand into the top of her bag and fished around for her cell phone. When she found it, she lifted it out, and sent out a voiceless thanks that she'd remembered to put it on silent as a text message from Cisco shined back at her. Coffee, at Jitters. Well, possibly, if she could escape sometime soon, which was looking increasingly less likely with every passing second. She could hear HR moving things around, like he was tidying up, and she cursed that he'd chosen now to do it. She had one option, and she hoped it worked...

 _Iris, help! I'm stuck under HR's bed - do NOT ask any questions right now - and I need to escape, but he won't leave! Do something! And don't tell anyone!_

She pressed send on the text message, and hoped and prayed that Iris was awake and had her phone on her.

* * *

Much to Caitlin's chagrin, Iris thought it was hilarious. About a minute after she'd sent the message, the phone that Barry had given HR trilled loudly, and she'd listened as he'd delightedly accepted Iris's invitation to breakfast, and then tried desperately not to laugh out loud when he'd hung up and made up a little song about going for said breakfast while he put on his shoes and his coat.

After he'd gone, Caitlin had had another snoop around, but had found nothing. Now, after recounting to Iris exactly why she'd been there and what had happened, the woman herself was in fits of giggles, and clutching at her stomach.

"Iris!"

"I'm sorry," she replied, still laughing, and gasping for breath. "So, did you get a peek at the goods?"

"Oh. My. God." Caitlin, who was sitting in front of one of the computers, leant forward and buried her face in her arms.

"So..."

"No!" came her muffled, mortified reply. Then she looked up at Iris, who was pressing her lips together in a, frankly rubbish, attempt to stifle her mirth. "Don't you have an article to write?"

"Okay, okay, I'm going..." Iris stood up and grabbed her purse. "You owe me, by the way. HR is way too bubbly for that time of day, and I've now had way too much caffine."

Caitlin sat back up, and smiled gratefully at her, knowing she'd been lucky that Iris had been around to help her out. "Yeah, I know. _Thank_ you."

"Anytime, girl. I'm gonna go find Barry before I leave. I'll see you later - oh, and next time you want to go snooping around, take me with you!"

Caitlin laughed. "I'll make sure to."

The rest of the day, thankfully, was pretty uneventful, and when Caitlin arrived home that evening, she found a small card shoved under her door, letting her know that there was a delivery waiting for her at the apartment next door. Yawning, she slipped off her coat, then went and called on her neighbour.

 _"Hello?"_

"It's Caitlin, Esther!"

The door opened, and an older lady with coppery, silver streaked hair and bright eyes appeared, smiling kindly at the younger woman.

"Oh, hello, honey. Wait here." Esther disappeared momentarily, then reappeared carrying a large bouquet of Christmas-themed flowers. "Someone's a lucky girl."

Caitlin grinned. "I sure am." She took the bouquet, noting the card that was sticking out of the top. "Thanks, Esther."

"You're very welcome. Will I see you Friday night at my little soirée?"

"I wouldn't miss it." As long a metahuman doesn't decide to cause havoc, she added, silently. Caitlin thanked her again, and then hurried back to her apartment, desperate to see what the card said. Once she read it, she was unable to stop the wide smile that stretched across her face, and she leaned against her kitchen counter, tapping the card against her lips.

 _This isn't me running out of ideas. Promise. I just thought you'd like them x_

As if they were any less of a gift than all the others she'd received. They certainly weren't. And she did like them, very much. In fact, they were stunning, a mix of red roses, hypericum berries, festive foliage, and pine cones. Caitlin inhaled deeply, the scent making her a little heady. After today, she was pretty certain that it _wasn't_ HR, after all, which left either Harry, or a stranger, someone who, apparently, she'd helped, someone who'd, somehow, made their way over from another Earth. Possibly. Someone who was kind, and thoughtful, and wasn't at all a danger to her. Well, that was the line of thinking she'd decided to go with until she knew better, anyway. And, as for Harry... Was it usual for him to put kisses on a card? Probably not. For Jesse, sure, but for someone he'd fallen for before he knew how they felt? She didn't know, but she was leaning towards 'unlikely'.

Sighing, she went to find a vase.

* * *

 **December 22nd.**

Caitlin, Barry, Cisco, Wally, Iris, HR, and Joe, all stood staring at the metahuman they'd just, after great difficulty, managed to lock up in the pipeline. They'd thought 'Blackout' was bad, but this meta was even worse. Cisco had named him 'Ghost', because the Invisible Man wasn't exactly original (not that 'Ghost' was much better, but Cisco thought it was appropriate, considering how the man had been behaving, scaring the living daylights out of anyone who had ever crossed him, including his ex-girlfriend, who had left him for another man). Presently, Ghost was a faint, white whisp that was zipping around his cell, trying to find a way out.

Barry just smirked humourlessly, "Yeah, good luck with that," and swiped at the pad on the wall, cutting Ghost off from view completely. "Man, I _ache_ ," he said, stretching as the group walked away, back towards the cortex.

"Well, you did get thrown around a fair bit, and, as your doctor, I think it's best that you go and get some rest," Caitlin said, smiling at him with eyes that also said 'now, do as you're told'.

Barry threw her a salute, and walked towards the bed in the med bay, lying down on it with a groan. Iris sat down in a chair next to him, and affectionately ran her hand through his hair.

"You good, Wally?" Caitlin asked, as she saw Joe fuss over him a little.

"Yeah, Barry took the brunt of it," he said, wincing apologetically. "Sorry, Bar," he called across to him.

Barry waved a hand in the air. "Don't be. You're still training, and he was a tough one. You did great."

Wally smiled, his features etched with a faint, uncharacteristic bashfulness at his praise.

"Well," Joe said, clapping his hands together. "I don't know about you guys, but I am _starving._ "

"Here, here," HR chimed in agreement, tapping his drumsticks against the edge of one of the workstations.

Cisco nodded enthusiastically. "I need pizza, and a really big bag of Red Vines."

Caitlin smirked, and walked over to her purse, pulling a card out. "Pizza is great, but free burgers are even better," she sing-songed.

"What've you got there?" Cisco asked, squinting at the card in her hand.

"This, my friend, is a gift card for Big Belly Burger. Care for fifty dollars worth of burgers and fries?" She asked, waving the card around enticingly.

"Where did you... wait. _That_ was today's gift?"

"Yep."

"That's so weird..." Then, Cisco snatched it out of her hand and raced towards the elevator.

"Hey!" Caitlin cried, trying not to laugh, and running after him as best she could in her heels, which, it turned out, wasn't very well at all. "Give that back!"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I hope you all had a lovely Christmas! Enjoy this next instalment :)**

* * *

 **December 23rd**.

Christmas pyjamas. Caitlin grinned stupidly as she stared down at them, soft, brushed cotton, red with a festive bauble print and white piping. She lifted them out of the box to hold them up in front of her, impressed that they were the right size. As she shook them out, something dropped onto the floor, and she looked down to see an envelope with her name on it. Putting the pyjamas to one side on the couch, she retrieved it and opened it, then paused with her fingers pinching the piece of paper inside, very aware that tomorrow was the twelfth day, and suddenly nervous about what she was about to read.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, and then pulled the folded note out, peeking just enough that the words were blurred. Come on, Snow, get it over with... Trembling a little, a mix of nerves and excitement, she steadied herself, and read the words meant for her attention.

 _Caitlin,_

 _I want you to know, first and foremost, that I don't expect anything from you. My intention with these gifts was never to make you feel that you owed me anything. That being said, I would like you to meet me tomorrow, so I can give you your last gift in person._

 _Of course, I'll understand if you don't come; there will be no hard feelings - I understand that, to you, I could be anyone, and not necessarily someone to trust._

 _The fountain in Hofherr Park, 3pm._

 _If I don't see you, I just want you to know, that if you'd given up on me, too, at that point, my life would have turned out very different. Instead, your persistence pulled me back from the edge, and friendship and loyalty gave me back what I thought I'd lost. I don't think I'll ever be able to adequately express just what you - all of you - did for me._

 _Merry Christmas, Caitlin Snow._

Caitlin read the letter over and over again, until the words began to blur and run into each other, and then placed it down on the coffee table and stood up. It took her a moment to come back to herself, and then she blinked, and moved towards the kitchen.

For the next couple of hours, Caitlin cleaned. She emptied her kitchen cupboards, wiped them down, and put everything back in a more organised way. She changed her bedding, hoovered the floors, sorted her laundry and put a wash on, and cleaned the bathroom. By the time she'd finished, Caitlin finally had a grip on her nerves, and was able to think a bit more logically.

She might not need to thank this person, but she _wanted_ to. No matter who it might or might not be, they'd done something for her that had brightened her days and made her feel special, when they absolutely didn't have to. And if they turned out to be a psychopath... Well, she still had her powers if it absolutely came to it, and there was also the tracker in her phone.

She nodded to herself. Good.

* * *

"Cisco..."

"Look, Caitlin..." Cisco spun in his chair to face her, looking at her pointedly. "I love you, but that's the third time you've gone to tell me something and then tapped out. What's going on?"

"I... Um... I got Christmas pyjamas today. As a gift. Is that weird, that they knew my size?"

Cisco looked her up and down, and for a moment, Caitlin was afraid that he'd suss her out, would know that what she was asking had not been her original intended question. Luckily, after holding her gaze for a few seconds, he shrugged, and didn't look too concerned at all.

"It's not that weird. I mean, looking at you, it's probably not that hard to work out." Then he narrowed his eyes at her. "Why, are you starting to get freaked out? Has something else happened?"

"No! No, everything's fine. I was just curious."

"Hmmm..."

"Scout's honour."

Cisco scoffed. "You were never a Girl Scout."

"... Or was I?"

"Disney princess, maybe, but not a Girl Scout."

"Aww... Wait. Is a Disney princess less or more honourable that a Girl Scout?"

"Are we still having this conversation?"

"You started it."

"Who started what?"

Startled, they both turned to see two very familiar faces, accompanied by a grinning Barry Allen.

"Hey, I didn't think you guys were coming 'til tomorrow!" Cisco beamed, moving forward to hug a festive looking Jesse Wells, and her less-festive looking father. "Loving the sweater, Miss Quick. Harry, you get a zero for effort."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Whereas this place looks like Christmas threw up all over it."

"Don't listen to him - he went all-out festive on ours," Jesse grinned, earning a 'traitor' look from her dad.

"It's _tastefully_ decorated."

Caitlin, who had remained frozen in place since laying eyes on Harry, finally shook herself out of her stupor and joined in before anyone noticed that she was just hovering in the background like an idiot. It didn't help that Harry looked impossibly handsome, standing there, trying to look like he wasn't happy to be there and failing miserably. She couldn't remember, in that moment, if he'd always been that attractive, or if her attraction to him had made him more so. "Hey - _I_ decorated in here," she said, twisting her features into a scowl.

Everyone stared at her. Harry's mouth opened, but he said nothing. Still, at least he looked slightly abashed.

She grinned, catching the glint in his eye when he realised she'd been teasing him. "Just kidding - HR did it, and yes, it is a bit like what you said, but don't be mean to him about it," she warned, before smiling again and giving Harry a hug. She didn't let herself think about what she was doing, moving swiftly onto Jesse and then stepping back. Mission accomplished. Despite the fact that they'd surprised them a day early, and Caitlin was unprepared, she gave herself an imaginary pat on the back for handling it so well.

"So, what were you guys talking about?" Barry asked, flopping down in the nearest swivel chair.

"If Disney princesses are more or less honourable than Girl Scouts."

"Less," Harry immediately said, and then tried to back-peddle when he realised what he'd said. "Y'know, if... I mean, I haven't watched many Disney films, but..."

Cisco clapped him on the back. "Nice try, man."

"Dad, you watched them over and over with me when I was little."

"Only to keep you quiet, I wasn't really paying-" He stopped mid-sentence when Caitlin laughed.

"It's okay, dad," Jesse said, somewhat patronisingly, as she squeezed his arm.

Harry frowned at Caitlin, and she pressed her lips together to quieten herself, her eyes still lit up with glee, as his danced back at her, clearly not serious. "I expected more from you, Snow."

"Ha!" Cisco cried. "That settles it. You're definitely a Disney princess. And I know which one..."

" _Don't_ ," Caitlin warned, holding a finger up at him. He folded his arms across his chest in defeat, but not before throwing a cheeky smile at her. She shook her head.

"So," Cisco said, changing the subject. He pointed to the large bag that lay at Harry's feet with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Are our Christmas presents in there?"

* * *

Dinner had been... strange. The whole team had gone out for pizza, and desserts as big as their heads, and there had been laughter, and hands clutching at bellies fit to burst, yet Caitlin, despite having fun, felt more confused than ever. She'd caught Harry's eye a few times, and he'd smiled at her before quickly looking away, and they'd barely spoken. It had felt a little like he was trying to avoid her, but couldn't always manage to, like he was being pulled in different directions by an invisible force, so that when he _did_ talk to her, it wasn't anything of any great consequence, and they definitely hadn't had an actual conversation, despite the fact that they'd been sitting next to each other. Then, at the end of the evening, when everyone was saying their goodbyes before going their separate ways, he'd rushed off, and that had been that.

Caitlin sighed and turned over in bed, staring up at the ceiling. It had stopped snowing and the sky was clear, and she gazed at the small strip of silver moonlight that had slipped in through a gap in her curtains, trying to clear her head enough so that she could sleep. Tomorrow was an important day, but excitement, nerves, thoughts of who it could be, who she _wanted_ it to be, and Harry's odd behaviour at dinner (only to her, she'd noticed), flooded her, and the harder she tried to bundle them all onto a little, metaphorical cloud and watch them float away, leaving her in peace, the more stubborn they became, their refusal to play nice agitating her and making things even worse.

Giving up, she pushed herself out of bed and padded barefoot into the kitchen to make herself some tea. She didn't bother with the main light, and instead flicked on the lights that lit up the underside of the cabinets. She sat on the counter while she waited for the water to boil, her heels gently kicking against the cupboard door underneath, and then she reached over and poured the water over the camomile tea bag in her favourite mug, staying exactly where she was as she let it brew and cool a little before sipping it. She remembered how her dad would lift her onto the counter when she was little, and she'd watch him cook or make coffee. Her mother didn't like her being up there, but her dad would pick her up and sit her there when her mom wasn't looking, smiling like it was their little secret. Now, in the middle of the night, as she sat there and memories washed over her, it was hard to keep the tears at bay, especially when thoughts of Ronnie also popped into her head. She missed them so much, especially at Christmas.

Letting her tea soothe her, Caitlin swiped at her eyes and took several deep breaths. By the time she'd drained her mug, she felt much calmer, and with renewed determination, slipped off the side and headed back to bed.

* * *

 **Christmas Eve - Part One.**

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Fidgeting."

"I'm not..." Caitlin looked down at her hands to see that she was, in fact, doing exactly as Cisco said she was. "Sorry."

Cisco stared her suspiciously. "What is _with_ you. Oh, wait - you didn't get another questionable gift, did you? Something else we haven't heard of?"

"No! No," she clarified, a little more calmly. All day yesterday she'd tried and failed to let Cisco know where she would be going today. She had now decided on definitely not telling him at all, at least not until afterwards.

"... So?"

"Huh?"

Cisco rolled his eyes. "What did you get?"

"... Nothing. At least, not yet - I left home pretty early." That part was true, at least. She'd managed to sleep the rest of the night, but had awoken with her nerves back in full force, and, needing a distraction, she'd gone into work, even though she hadn't really needed to, and was now aimlessly wandering about, finding little things to do, and, apparently, bugging Cisco in the process.

The man himself put down his soldering iron and sighed. "Let me guess - with the last gift, you'll finally find out who this person is, and you're getting impatient and nervous, so you came here to pass the time and annoy me instead."

"Hey!" Caitlin protested, only mildly offended. "I thought you loved me?"

"I do. Which is why I'm telling you that you're driving me insane. Isn't Iris about?"

Caitlin _had_ thought about going to see her, but knew she was busy finishing up articles. Plus, Iris had a habit of making her tell her things that she hadn't even asked about. "She's busy. And Barry is doing last-minute Christmas shopping with HR, of all people. I haven't seen Harry or Jesse around today..."

"Well, I'll give you one guess as to where Jesse is. As for Harry, he's around somewhere. As long as he's not touching my stuff without my supervision, then I don't really care what he's up to so long as I can finish this in peace."

Caitlin frowned at Cisco's tone, and then placed a sympathetic hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. I know Christmas will be tough for you."

Cisco smiled sadly at her and shook his head, placing his hand over hers. "Nothing you haven't gone through, right?"

"That's not the point." She moved her arm up to give him a hug, then released him and walked backwards a few steps. "Peppermint hot chocolate?" she asked, enticingly, trying to distract him from his thoughts.

He took the bait. "With squirty cream and those little marshmallows?"

"You got it," she smiled, and then turned and headed out of his workshop and towards the small kitchen on the level above. This time of year was particularly hard for many of them (she'd had her own wobble last night, after all), but she was determined that those losses wouldn't overshadow Christmas itself, not only because the people they'd lost wouldn't want that for them, but because they were a family, and if Cisco's favourite holiday beverage gave him some comfort, then she'd make a million of them. They wouldn't bring his brother back, but they'd remind him that he had people to turn to if he ever felt lost, or just needed a shoulder, advice that she'd sometimes do well to remember herself.

Caitlin was almost at the kitchen when Harry rounded the corner and almost sent her flying. "Oh!" She stumbled backwards, and then was yanked forward again as Harry grabbed her arm and pulled her upright.

"Sorry, that was my fault. I was," he gestured upwards, "in my head."

"It's okay," she replied, laughing it off, although there was something about him, again, that wasn't quite right. She could tell, mostly by the way he was trying to avoid looking at her. "Are _you_ okay?"

He did look at her, then, slightly confused, as if he couldn't work out why she was asking. "Me? Yeah. Why?"

"You're just..." Caitlin caught herself, not quite knowing where to go from there. "Um, last night, you were a bit... well, distracted, I guess. With me. I mean, not _with_ me," she continued, her eyes a little wider than normal, as her mouth ran away with her before her brain could catch up, "I just mean... Did I do something?"

For a moment (one that, to Caitlin, felt like the longest moment in the world), he just stared at her, and she shifted a little, embarrassed by how she'd tripped over herself. Then he blinked, as realisation crossed his features. "I... no, you didn't. I've got a lot on my mind at the moment, that's all. I'm sorry if it came across like I was ignoring you, or being a bit..."

"Weird?"

"... Yeah."

As much as Caitlin wanted to shout "But it was just with me!", she let it go, for the time being, because she didn't want to push, especially not right now. She ignored the fact that her stomach had dropped, like she'd just gone over the edge on a rollercoaster, and smiled at him instead. "Want a coffee?" She asked, pointing to the kitchen door.

Harry visibly relaxed, which just made Caitlin even more suspicious. "That's exactly where I was heading." He pushed the door open. "After you."

"Thanks. So, I'm making Cisco a peppermint hot chocolate - can I tempt you away from the coffee?"

"That's disgusting."

"So that's a 'no'?"

He bit back a smile. "I don't understand why people want to put syrup in everything they drink. Liquor, on the other hand..." Harry pulled open a cupboard door, and shook his head in dismay before turning to look at her. "There's not _just_ peppermint syrup in here, there's a whole family of them - what happened?" He took out the bottle she needed and handed it to her.

Caitlin shrugged. "HR."

"Ah, yes, that makes sense."

"Give him a break, he loves making coffee - it was wiped out on his Earth."

"Then make coffee, not dessert."

She laughed, glad that they seemed to be back in a zone of normality, and thrust the coffee pot at him. "Here, you sort this while I heat the milk."

"You having one?"

"Um..." Caitlin looked between the tub of chocolate powder sitting on the counter, and the coffee maker. She quite fancied the hot chocolate, but she also still felt a little queasy from the lingering nerves in her stomach, so maybe milk and chocolate wasn't the best thing for it, although she _did_ want the peppermint... "Peppermint coffee, please."

Harry pulled a face that was akin to a toddler who'd just had a plateful of broccoli put in front of them. "Do I have to?"

"Yes. It's Christmas."

The sigh he gave was one of resignation. "Then I guess I'm putting peppermint in your coffee."

They fell into a comfortable silence as they went about their tasks, but Caitlin still couldn't help but think that something was off. There was a tension between them, but she couldn't tell if it was the tension she wanted it to be, or a completely different kind. Whatever it was, it still made her heart beat a little faster, still made her skin tingle whenever he got too close.

She finished off the hot chocolate, squirting cream on top of it, and dumping a handful of mini marshmallows on top of that, and stood back proudly to look at it. "My work here is done."

Harry passed her her coffee, and watched her closely as she sipped it.

"Mmm, perfect," she said, closing her eyes and inhaling the scent of it.

"Better than his?"

Caitlin cracked open one eye to peer at him. "Jealous?"

Harry scoffed, and she smirked.

"I'm going to go take this to Cisco," she said, picking up the hot chocolate, being careful not to spill it as the mountain of cream wobbled dangerously. "Coming?"

"I've got a few things I need to do. I'll see you both at Joe's." He picked up his mug and held it up in a silent 'cheers', then held the door open for her before smiling enigmatically and walking back the way he'd come.

Caitlin sighed, still not believing that last night was just him being distracted. His excuse felt like a cop-out, despite how easy things had seemed only moments before. Just when she thought she knew him, Harry Wells became an enigma all over again, and now she wasn't sure what to think.

Damn him.

* * *

It had been easy for Caitlin to disappear under the pretence of having to go and pick up a present she'd ordered. She'd hurried home, and spent far too long deciding what to wear before telling herself that she was being stupid and that it didn't matter. Still, that didn't stop her from swapping her sweater for her favourite ivory, cashmere roll neck, or changing the colour of her lipstick.

At a little before two-thirty, she set off, wanting to get to the park early in order to have time to focus herself when she got there. She just hoped the person she was meeting didn't have the same idea.

When she arrived, she was happy to see that there didn't _appear_ to be anyone lingering by the fountain. She sat on the edge of it, glad that the snow had been brushed from it, and not having to worry about being splashed as it had been turned off for the winter. She crossed her legs, jiggled the one that still had purchase on the floor, and then uncrossed them. The more she tried to calm her nerves, the worse they seemed to get. Instead, in an effort to blank them out, she looked out at the park's temporary ice rink, watching one experienced girl in particular twirl her way across the ice. Caitlin wasn't too bad at skating, and could managed a couple of turns, but she couldn't spin herself about like this young girl could. She smiled as the girl laughed as she took hold of her less stable brother (or friend? She couldn't tell), and wished that she could remember what it was like to be so innocent, to not have faced so many horrors.

Caitlin got so lost in watching the scene in front of her, that she only jolted back to reality when someone sat down near her. Steadying herself, she turned to her left, and then let out the breath she'd unintentionally been holding when she saw it was just a teenaged boy, music blasting from the buds that were in his ears as he played with his cell phone. She wondered how he wasn't deaf, and wanted to give him a lecture on the damage he could be doing to his hearing, but then he got up again and wandered off, and she remembered that now wasn't the time for Doctor Snow to be making an appearance.

Checking her watch, she saw that it was a minute to three, so she composed herself again, and casually glanced around, but as yet, no one was making a beeline for her.

At three-sixteen, Caitlin shifted, her backside starting to go numb from where it was pressed into the stone wall of the fountain.

At three-thirty, she stood and stretched out her legs, walking around the fountain to move the blood around her limbs. Perhaps this person was stuck in traffic, or had been held up for some other legitimate reason. It happened, after all, and they couldn't exactly call her if they didn't have her number. Harry had her number, of course, but again, he couldn't call her because that would have given him away. Caitlin felt the disappointment rise up inside her. She doubted very much that Harry would be this late. He'd said he had things to do, but she didn't think he'd let those things overrun if it had been him all along, especially as he'd seen her only a few hours ago. So, finally, she gave in, and told herself once and for all that it wasn't him, and that she should stop hoping otherwise. She bit her lip at tears came unbidden to her eyes, and just about managed to swallow the lump in her throat, taking deep breaths to stop those tears from falling. It wouldn't do for the person who emwas/em coming to see her like this. She didn't want them to think that they weren't enough, that she'd rather all those lovely gifts had been from someone else. No, she wanted to thank this wonderful, generous person from the bottom of her heart, to give them her full attention and appreciation, and nothing less.

At two minutes past four, beneath a sky that was beginning to change colour as sunset drew near, Caitlin made the tough decision to call it a day. She wanted to give this person the benefit of the doubt, she really did, but that still didn't stop the sadness that washed over her. She desperately wanted to know who they were. Would they write to her and explain? Would she hear from them again at all? Were they okay?

Crestfallen, she slowly made her way out of the park, the excited shouts and laughter from the ice rink echoing dully in her ears.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the** **evil cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter - hopefully, this one will make up for it!**

* * *

 **Christmas Eve - Part Two**

" _Caitlin!_ "

Home. She would go home, run a bubble bath, light some candles, and relax. Then she would smile, and have a good time with her friends.

" _Caitlin!_ "

She just wished she didn't feel so empty. Sadness rolled over her in waves, tears pricked at her eyes, and in that moment, she wanted nothing more than the ability to just magic herself out of there and right onto her couch before she crumbled right there in the middle of the park. How could she have got her hopes up, _again_? How could she have been so stupid, to think that Harry, of all people, a man who didn't even live on the same Earth as her, would fall for her and send her secret gifts. And then the guilt crept in, that she was more upset about it not being Harry than she was concerned about what could have happened to whoever it actually was...

" _Snow..._ "

Caitlin jumped with a gasp, her hand flying to her chest as her heart thumped hard against it. It couldn't be... Eyes wide, her stomach once again playing host to a thousand butterflies, she turned, and... " _HR_?" Disappointment radiated from her like a beacon before she could stop it, as obvious as a lighthouse on a clear night, and her heart dropped at the look on HR's face, except, it wasn't HR's face, it was Randolph Morgan's, and, actually, he looked more confused than-

"Oh, damn. Hang on..." He reached into the pocket of his coat, his hand pulling out something that looked very familiar and holding it up in front of her... And in a blink, Randolph's face disappeared.

Caitlin's breath hitched in her throat. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. How she felt right now, in this moment, was something she'd never felt before, a feeling she'd never known existed. Euphoria rose inside her, her heart pounded, her skin prickled, and as everything slowly came back into focus, she realised that she hadn't said anything, and that the man in front of her was looking increasingly nervous. Then, as suddenly as the euphoria had risen, it fell back, and she wondered if she'd jumped to conclusions, if he'd simply been out for a walk and saw her leaving. "... _Harry_?" she asked, her voice cracking as she spoke.

Harry smiled down at her sheepishly, his hands stuffed into his coat pockets. He looked very distinctly un-Harry, lacking his usual confidence, which was an odd thing to see in itself, but it was definitely him. "Guilty."

English was Caitlin's native language, but suddenly she couldn't think of any words, couldn't remember how to structure a sentence. She stared at him hopefully, her eyes bright and glistening in the early moonlight. "You... It was..."

To her relief, Harry saved her. He nodded, his face a collage of mixed emotions. "I'm sorry," he said, on a rush of air. "I didn't mean to leave you waiting - in a case of really bad timing, everyone showed up at the lab all at once. I still have no idea why, but every time I tried to leave, I got cornered, and... that's an awful excuse, I know, but... And then Jesse said I was acting suspicious, and then Cisco backed her up, and I couldn't-"

Amused by his rambling, and engulfed with overwhelming happiness, Caitlin stepped forward and threw her arms around his neck, smiling widely against his shoulder when she felt him relax and slip his arms around her. She lifted her head, and stood on tiptoes to press her forehead against his. "I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly."

Harry released his hold on her, and for a moment she was worried that she'd said the wrong thing, but he simply removed her arms from around him and took her hands in his. He pressed a kiss to them, and the most pleasant electric shock zipped through her, her nerve endings tingling, his touch igniting a fire in her belly she'd long thought extinguished. "I wanted you to want it to be me, but I never thought... I can't tell you how relieved I am that you hugged me instead of slapping me."

Caitlin choked out a laugh, her vision blurring, and she sniffed, then caught the look of concern on Harry's face and squeezed his hands. "Happy tears, I promise." She shook her head. "I can't believe you're here."

"I'm sorry, again," he said, removing one of his hands from her grasp to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, and her eyes briefly fluttered closed at the feel of his fingers as they brushed her cheek. "I never meant to leave you waiting here for so long. I can only imagine what you were thinking."

"It's okay. Believe me, I know what it's like to feel like they're watching your every move, and from their point of view, where could you possibly be going on your own on Christmas Eve, on an Earth that isn't yours?" She paused, searching his eyes with her own. "How _did_ you get away?"

"I excused myself to use the restroom - which, yes, I now realise that I should have done sooner - and then never went back. I sent Jesse a text telling her I'd gone to pick something up, you know, to stop her calling for the hundredth time, and to let her know I hadn't been kidnapped. So now I have to buy her another Christmas present on the way back otherwise that excuse is not going to work." He wiped away a stray tear from beneath her eye with his thumb.

Caitlin smiled. She still couldn't quite believe that she was seeing such a different side to him. It was bizarre, but wonderfully so. "I can help with that."

Harry returned her smile, his eyes bluer than she'd ever seen them, and, God, how she wanted to kiss him. Really, _really_ wanted to kiss him... Their faces moved closer, their noses bumping together. Caitlin sighed, but it was a sigh of frustration rather than pleasure.

"I know," Harry said, quietly, as if reading her mind. "You still have to go away. I was never going to ask you not to."

"I'm sorry. I want this, I really do, you've no idea how much..."

"Oh, I think I do," he replied, and the tone of his voice sent shivers through her, and she was _so_ close to just breaking and pressing her mouth to his.

"You don't regret telling me to go?"

He shook his head. "Absolutely not."

"I just, I need to deal with everything I've been holding onto. It wouldn't be fair to either of us to throw myself right into a relationship without-" She was cut off with a finger pressed against her lips.

"You don't have to explain. I'll wait. It doesn't matter how long."

"I still want this."

Harry gave her a lopsided smile, and it tugged at her heart. "I'm kind of getting that."

"Oh, good," she laughed, pressing her nose to his again. "Because I wasn't sure..."

He chuckled, and then shivered. Caitlin wrapped her arms around him again, and felt him trying to control his shaking. "You're freezing," she said, holding him tighter.

"I'm fine," Harry insisted, trying to shrug it off. Of course, she didn't believe him. It was okay for her, with her powers affecting her body temperature, but for him, it was bitterly cold.

"There's so much I still want to ask you, but perhaps we should find somewhere a bit warmer?"

There it was again, that smile that almost made her forgot everything she'd just said and jump right in. But she had to be strong - she _was_ strong, and in the end it would all be worth it. Harry held out his arm to her, and she took it, revelling in the feel of being so close to him, of simply walking with him through the park, her face beaming with happiness, delighting in the way he'd turn his head to look at her. She felt like a teenager finally getting noticed by her first crush, the smile across the cafeteria that would get her and her friends giggling stupidly, except Harry wasn't a crush, and the giddy feeling she was experiencing wasn't temporary.

The park was breathtaking, now. The sky had darkened, and the moon cast a silver-blue light over everything it touched, a beautiful winter glow that bounced off the snow and made Caitlin feel warm, and more at peace than she had been in a long time. The laughter and chatter that had once sounded dim, blocked out by sadness, was now alive and exciting. Above them, Christmas lights twinkled from the trees, giving them a sparkling walkway as they made their way towards the exit. Caitlin felt as if she were in a movie - surely scenes like this were only part of great, on-screen romances? Apart from the lack of a kiss, and the fact that she would be going away for a while, first, this was a text-book, fairytale ending. She could hardly believe that she'd gone from sad to deliriously happy in such a short amount of time. Things like this never happened to her. Not anymore, not since...

"Hey, you all right?"

Caitlin blinked, and shook her head slightly. "Sorry, yes," she smiled, squeezing his arm, "I just..."

"It's okay," he assured her, as if he somehow knew what she was thinking, "you don't have to explain."

"When did you become so charming?" she teased, brightening again.

"I'll have you know, that I can be _very_ charming. But only to those who deserve it."

Caitlin lifted her free hand to her chest, her mouth dropping open with a small gasp. "Why, Doctor Wells, I'm honoured."

Harry laughed, and it was a sound that she couldn't wait to hear more of. It lit up his whole face, his eyes shining with mirth, laughter lines that she'd always suspected were there, now obvious to anyone who looked at him. It only served to make her fall even harder.

* * *

The coffee shop they'd entered just across from the park was packed, and Caitlin was in charge of finding an empty table while Harry queued for their drinks. Her eyes scanned the room slowly, once, twice, and then on her third go she spotted a small table, just big enough for two, in a corner, against the window. She weaved her way across to it, then had to run the rest of the way when someone else also spotted it. She made it first, just, and then waved at Harry, trying to catch his eye to tell him where she was. Finally, he saw her, and then smirked as the guy who'd also wanted the table glared at the both of them as he walked away. Breaking eye-contact with him, Caitlin slipped her coat off and sat down, and almost instantly she was overcome with nerves again. She crossed her legs, then uncrossed them, then crossed them again and leaned forward slightly over the table. Then she felt herself go red as she wondered if Harry was looking at her, if he'd seen her poorly hidden fidgeting display. She dared not look over at him, instead turning her gaze upwards to admire the Christmas bunting and stars that were hanging from the ceiling. But when he finally approached the table, holding two, steaming cups of coffee, and placed one in front of her, she was grateful to have something tangible to hide her sudden shyness behind.

"Thank you," she smiled, bringing it up to her lips for a sip, but of course, she couldn't keep it there. Placing it down in front of her, she flicked her eyes up and found Harry watching her carefully.

"Snow?"

"Mmm?"

He reached across the table to take her hand, and she gave it to him willingly. "You said you had a lot to ask me, which is understandable, so ask away."

Caitlin was grateful for him getting right to the point, and she relaxed, her nerves subsiding a little. She glanced down at their joined hands, and was amazed by how natural it felt, how they just seemed to fit. "How... What made you do it? I mean, why didn't you just ask me? Not that I didn't appreciate it - I think it's one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me."

Harry leaned forward, not letting go of her hand, his other wrapped around his coffee cup. "You read my letters?"

She nodded, and suddenly what had been written on those pieces of notepaper made sense. How could she have forgotten? "That night in the bar, when I found you and told you you needed to come back, that you couldn't go home and do it on your own, that we were a team."

"I was stubborn enough and angry enough back then that if you hadn't intervened, made me realise about the breaches, I would have gone back to my Earth and... Failed. I would have failed. You were the only one who cared enough."

"The others cared, too."

Harry gave her a sceptical smile. "I don't think that's quite true, but I don't blame them. Back then, I wasn't... Well, you know."

"Approachable? Mild-mannered? Reasonable?"

He huffed a laugh. "Yeah, something like that."

"It's all in the past. You know that, right? It's not the same when you're not here. That goes for Jesse, too."

Harry shifted a little in his seat, and now Caitlin could see that _he_ was now the one who was uncomfortable. She knew he'd done things he wasn't proud of, especially not long after she'd convinced him to stay. She'd been upset, of course she had, but she'd also understood. And with that in mind, she changed the subject, shifting the focus back to the reason they were there.

"So, 'Scientists do it better'?"

Harry choked a little on his coffee, and she snickered behind her hand.

He smirked at her. "Did it make you laugh?

"Yes."

"Then it fulfilled its destiny."

They sat in comfortable silence for a short while, stealing looks over their drinks. A flurry of something caught Caitlin's eye, and she looked out the window to see that the sky had clouded over, and it was snowing again. She smiled, the scene outside making her feel even cosier, even happier. She could stay here forever, just like this, with Harry, and the snow, and the lights... It was unrealistic, but she wished it all the same. "Hey, Harry?"

"Yeah?"

She turned back to face him, her elbow resting on the table, chin propped up in her hand. "Earlier today, when you said you'd had a lot on your mind..."

"Ah." His neck pinked up a little, and he cleared his throat, but as endearing as Caitlin found it, she was eager to hear what that had really all been about, even though she could probably now hazard a guess.

" _Ah_?"

Harry scratched at his neck, a nervous habit that Caitlin recognised. "Cisco told me about the gift basket, about how you could find no trace of it on this Earth, so in case you _did_ think it was me, I was trying to... put you off. Rookie mistake, I know. I didn't realise it was the only thing I hadn't checked until it was too late. It was actually one of the reasons for our visit the other week - I snuck it in with me in a duffle bag so Jesse wouldn't notice."

"You know, Cisco insisted on testing it to make sure it wasn't poisoned. And when he found it wasn't, like I somehow knew he would, I, um... well, I thought for a while that it was HR."

" _Him_?!"

"Hey, in my defence, he was the one who recognised the brand! I thought he was trying to throw me off by saying it could have come from anywhere in the multiverse. If it helps, I _didn't_ want it to be him."

Harry reached for her hand again. "I kinda figured that." Then he shuddered, and Caitlin rolled her eyes at him while he grinned at her.

She shook her head fondly, trying not to laugh. "But seriously - how _did_ you plan all this? And, it was like you somehow knew what I needed. Did anyone help you?"

"Nope. Caitlin... The first time I left with Jesse, when I got home... I couldn't stop thinking about you, is the honest truth." He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, following it with his eyes, clearly trying to think of how to word what he wanted to say. "When we came back, I was so focussed on Jesse - I had to be - but when you put me in my place, I realised that those feelings hadn't gone away. You don't put up with my crap, you challenge me, on top of being the brilliant scientist and wonderful person that I know you to be."

Caitlin swallowed against the lump in her throat. Damn him. Just when she'd got on top of the butterflies, he went and said something that made them spring to life again.

"I wanted to do something special for you," he continued, staring at her so intensely that Caitlin thought her heart would punch its way right out of her chest. "I knew it was risky, and that at the end of it, you might not..." he gestured to himself, and she smiled softly at him, "but after everything, I wanted you to be happy, to give you something to look forward to, even if it was just for a little while."

A tear fell over the rim of Caitlin's left eye, and she swiped at it self-consciously. "Damn you, Harrison Wells. You're almost making me want to dig my heels in and stay."

Harry let go of her, and sat back in his chair, his bright blue eyes teasing. "Maybe we should keep this strictly professional, then, for now."

"Hey!" she laughed, pitching forward and grabbing his hand back. "Don't you dare."

He pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist, and her skin broke out in goosebumps. "So, to answer your earlier question," he said, threading his fingers through hers, "no, no one helped me. I observed, took everything I knew about you, things I'd overheard, things you talked about, threw in a bit of science, and... winged it, basically. I set it all up, mostly, before I left."

Caitlin snorted - a little unladylike, but she couldn't help it. "Well, if that's you 'winging' it, I'd love to see what you _not_ winging it looks like."

Harry raised a questioning eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"

"No! Stop it," she said, as he smiled winningly at her. "Anyway, it was amazing, all of it. Something would turn up, either to calm me, or make me laugh, or simply remind me who I am - it was like, whatever I needed that day, even if I didn't know it at first, there it was, like my fairy godmother was watching over me."

"Uh, well, I've been called worse..."

She laughed, and pressed a hand to her head. "Sorry, that's not quite what I meant."

"I gathered that. Although, there was that one time, in college..."

Caitlin threw her head back in mirth. "Oh, now _there's_ an image."

"Hmm, and one you'll never see."

"Spoilsport."

Then Harry took a deep breath, his cheeks puffing a little as he let it out, his face morphing into a seriousness that suddenly scared her, as if something she'd said had made him change his mind.

"Are you _sure_?"

She blinked. "What?"

"It... it doesn't bother you that I'm a dad, and..." he waved a hand at himself, and Caitlin couldn't help but smile at how adorably unsure of himself he suddenly was, a stark contrast to that time in the breach room when he'd scoffed at HR telling him something he already knew about himself.

"No, and no. And besides, I could ask the same about me," she held up her wrists, her cuffs just peeking out from the sleeves of her sweater.

Harry relaxed a little, but still looked a bit uncertain, so Caitlin said the only thing she could think of in that moment to change the subject.

"Hey, wanna hear about how I ended up under HR's bed?"

" _What_?!"

* * *

The taxi dropped them just around the corner from the West residence. Harry took Caitlin's hand and led her away from the streetlight and behind a tree in the garden of a house where, luckily, it looked like no one was home. Caitlin couldn't help but giggle slightly at the secrecy of it all. It was thrilling, in a way, sneaking around, hoping not to get caught.

"So, what now?" she asked. "I don't know how I'm going to be able to not give anything away. If I ignore you, they'll notice, if I _don't_ ignore you..."

Harry gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "It'll be fine."

"I mean, I know I've hidden things before, but this is different, and if I so much as look at you, they'll know. Well, some of them will. Iris, probably, and Cisco-"

"-Snow," Harry chuckled, cutting her off. "You're rambling."

Caitlin bit her lip and looked up at him. "Sorry. But hey, that's a good point - keep calling me 'Snow'."

He stared at her, puzzled. "I always call you 'Snow'."

"I know. But you actually used my first name a few times today, and if _they_ hear it, they'll probably think you're trying to get something out of me, like that last time, with the eyes and the pleading."

"Maybe I _am_ trying to get something out of you," he said, stepping closer to her, his voice a couple of octaves lower.

Caitlin tried her very best not to react to his flirting, and slapped his arm instead.

"Ow!"

"Then behave." Still, despite trying her best, she couldn't help the grin that stretched across her face, excitement at this very new, very welcome situation, dancing through her veins.

Harry raised an amused eyebrow at her, and waited for her to supply an answer.

"Sorry, it's just..." she waved a hand between them, " _this_. I never thought it would feel so natural so quickly. There's nothing that doesn't feel right."

"That's true," he said, cupping her cheek and leaning forward a little to press a kiss to her forehead.

Caitlin closed her eyes against it, and sighed contentedly, wrapping her hand around his wrist before gazing up at him. "We should go - we're already late."

"Yeah, we should," he agreed, resting his head against hers.

But neither of them moved from their spot behind the tree, instead slipping their arms around each other and enjoying the peacefulness that surrounded them, save for the sound of the gently falling snow as it hit the ground and the branches of the tree above them.

Finally, Caitlin smoothed her hands beneath his scarf, moving up his chest until she could curl her fingers around the lapels of his coat. The hand that was gently stroking her hair stilled, and she tipped her face up, smiling at him. "I'll go first, then you can conveniently run up behind me just as I step through the door."

Harry nodded. "And, I think we should just be ourselves. I mean, not quite like this, but if they think they can see something, maybe it'll get them used to the idea before we actually tell them. Not that it's any of their business."

"Okay. I agree."

He smiled at her, then held up the bag he was holding. "Jesse will love these. There's no way she'll believe I chose them by myself."

Caitlin laughed. He was probably right. "I'll deny all knowledge. Until she works it out herself, of course."

"Oh, of course."

"And don't forget to give HR his facial transmogrification device back. Why'd you use it, anyway? I thought you were an expert at skulking around in a cap."

"I do not _skulk_ ," he protested, trying to sound offended. "And it was because... I..."

"Wanted to look pretty for me?" Caitlin supplied, her tongue between her teeth.

Harry narrowed his eyes at her. "How long have you been waiting to say that?"

"About an hour. Two, tops." She shrugged. "It's a fancy coat."

He tried to fight a smile, and failed. "You're going to be much harder work than I thought."

"Hey!" she pouted, also failing to fight a smile of her own. Then she reluctantly moved away from him. "Do I look suspicious?" she asked, holding his gaze as she stepped back onto the sidewalk.

"No, you just look beautiful."

She blushed - damn him, again! - and then looked away from him before she walked into something and embarrassed herself. She picked her way carefully down the snowy path, rounded the corner, and finally reached the house. Taking a breath to pull herself together, she knocked on the door, smiling widely as Iris opened it with a grin, and a jolly "Merry Christmas!"

"And a Merry Christmas, to you!"

Jesse's head popped up over Iris's shoulder, her eyes scanning the street. "Is my dad with you? He just took off earlier and gave me some lame excuse."

Caitlin shook her said. "Sorry," she said, as she stepped inside, "I haven't..." she trailed off as she heard Harry run up behind her.

"Sorry, sweetie," he said, locking eyes with his daughter and giving her a rueful grin. He held up his bag, then quickly hid it behind his back when Jesse made a grab for it. "It'll be worth it, I promise."

Jesse narrowed her eyes a little, and then gave in and smiled. "You're the best."

The West house, as always, was warm and inviting. Caitlin let herself bask for a moment in the glow of the fire and the Christmas lights sparkling from the beautiful tree, in the happy, familiar chatter that surrounded her, in the smell of cinnamon and whatever glorious meal Joe was cooking up in the kitchen, and then jumped as someone grabbed her arm. Her head whipped to her right. "Cisco!"

"Sorry," he laughed, and of course, she forgave him instantly, because she was just pleased to see that he was a lot brighter than he had been earlier that day. "So, did you find out who it was?"

Oh... It had somehow slipped her mind that she would be asked that question, and suddenly, everyone in the room was looking at her expectantly.

Okay, Cait, you can do this...

* * *

 **A/N: Ta-da! I hope that's cheered everyone up :-) And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Caitlin's final present - all will be revealed in the next chapter!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: First of all, I'm sooo sorry this chapter has taken so long. I've been unsually busy recently, and I've simply not had time to write, plus being ill 100% of the time and then getting a regular illness on top, sucks. I hope this extra-long chapter makes up for it!**

 **Speaking of this chapter, I'm fully aware that our beloved Snowells mighty seem quite out of character. But it's Christmas Day, and they're happy, so we can allow them to be as fluffy and as cute as they like.**

 **Also, as much as I love science, I don't profess to actually know much about it with regards to how things work, so when you get to that part of the chapter, just remember that this is a world where they put a suit inside a ring - it doesn't have to make sense ;-)**

 **And... now I'm going away on holiday for a couple of weeks, so the next update won't be up for a while, but, hopefully, you won't have to wait as long as you did this time!**

* * *

 **Christmas Day.**

Caitlin rolled over in bed, half-awake and uncomfortable. She blinked slowly in the dim light of the room, then realised what the problem was and pouted, glaring at Jesse as she lay next to her, fast asleep and with a good ninety percent of the bed covers wrapped around her. Since her transformation into a metahuman, Caitlin didn't really need the covers for warmth as much as she did comfort, and she grabbed the edge of the duvet and pulled it towards her, which rocked Jesse slightly and caused her to groan in her sleep and pull them back. She tried again, a little harder, but this time Jesse huffed and turned onto her side, yanking the last sliver with her.

Not only had everyone been invited to the West house for Christmas, but they'd all been invited to stay over. They'd spent Christmas Eve eating, drinking, playing games, and generally getting a bit over-excited, and it had been nice to not have to go home only to come back again the next day. Harry and Jesse had already been there since the day before, and sleeping arrangements had had to be juggled up a bit. Caitlin, Iris, and Jesse were in Iris's room, with Iris insisting she sleep on the airbed so Caitlin and Jesse could share the bed, Barry and Cisco were with Wally in his room, HR was on the floor in Joe's room (which Joe had only looked slightly displeased about), and Harry was on the couch, on his own, and smug with it to boot.

Caitlin sighed and pushed herself up to sitting, annoyed that she was awake. Late nights? Fine. Early mornings? Also fine (mostly). Being woken up too early from a great sleep, and an even greater dream? Not so fine. Yawning, she glanced at the clock on the nightstand, its digital display telling her that it was only just after four. Great. Scooting to the edge of the bed, she stood up on wobbly legs, and carefully stepped around Iris, who was sleeping peacefully with a half-smile on her pretty face. Caitlin frowned petulantly - _she_ wanted to be asleep. And, hopefully, she soon would be. She made it out into the hall, feeling along the wall for the light switch and flicking it on, squinting as it almost blinded her - going suddenly from dark to light was like staring into the sun. Caitlin moved towards the closet where she'd seen Iris grab the spare blankets from earlier that night. She stretched out for the handle, grabbing it and pulling the door open, wondering if she could just climb in, and... Nothing. There was nothing. She scowled at it, as if she could scare it into producing more blankets out of thin air, but nothing happened, of course, and for a moment she just stood there, tired, grouchy, and wishing she was mean enough to just wake Jesse up and pull the whole thing off of her. But she wasn't, so instead she decided to go down to the kitchen and heat some milk up, hoping a hot drink might be enough to pull her back under.

It was only when she was almost down the stairs that she remembered that Harry was on the couch. She paused, his breathing the only sound in the once loud and lively room. He wasn't quite snoring, which she was pleased about, and filed that information away for another time as she continued down. Try as she might, though, she couldn't help but take a peek at him. She didn't want to be a creep, but her feet moved before she could do anything about it, and when she saw him, she smiled. Harry was on his side, one leg bent, his blanked pushed down to just above his waist. He looked so peaceful, that she almost felt guilty for admiring the arm that was visible to her, the outline of his muscles just about visible in the sliver of silver moonlight that peaked through the gap in the curtains. She wanted to reach out and touch him, having been denied all evening. They'd played it safe, and no one had seemed to notice. She'd brushed Cisco's questioning of her secret admirer off by saying her parcel had been left with her neighbour, who hadn't been home when she'd called, so she didn't yet know who it was. A noise of disappointment had echoed around the room, but she was just thankful that she hadn't told anyone she was going out to meet said admirer. It had been hard, though - to have Harry so close and yet so far, had been rather torturous. They'd traded secret looks, secret smiles, and at one point, Harry had got away with brushing his hand against hers, his fingers trailing across her skin, burning into her, there one moment and gone the next, their group none the wiser as they continued to do battle over a game of Pictionary.

Caitlin let out a quiet, longing sigh, and moved away before she did something stupid, like curl up next to him. She made her way into the kitchen, and spent a few moments trying to find the right cupboard to grab a mug from, and then filling a saucepan with some milk and turning on the stove. She rested her arms on the counter and dropped her head on them, a yawn escaping her.

"You okay?"

She was never one for being over dramatic, but suddenly feeling as though she had the beginnings of a heart attack, Caitlin jumped, flying away from the counter and spinning towards where the voice had come from. She pressed a hand to her chest to try and soothe her racing heart as she glared at Harry, who was standing in the kitchen doorway, his head tilted as he looked at her carefully, hands held up in defence.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you - especially as you look like you want to kill me..."

Caitlin closed her eyes and sighed, rubbing a hand across her forehead before looking at him again, her face softening. "Did I wake you?"

He shrugged. "No, I just had this weird dream where it felt like someone was watching me..." Then he grinned.

"Haha." Caitlin turned away and stirred the milk, which was starting to simmer, partly out of embarrassment, and partly because she was trying not to stare at how good he looked in his white tee and plaid pyjama pants. She heard him move across the kitchen, and felt his arm brush hers as he came to a stop next to her.

"What's wrong?"

She sighed again, dropped the wooden spoon she'd been holding, and stared up him with bleary eyes. "I'm sorry, it's not you, it's... Y'know, I love Jesse, but your daughter is a duvet thief, and even if I'm not cold, I can't get comfy and sleep properly if I don't have something to cuddle up to, and-" She was cut off when Harry reached out and pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her, her face buried against his chest. "Is this you trying to be cute?" she asked, her voice muffled.

"I'm just trying to offer a resolution to your predicament," he replied, innocent as anything, and Caitlin could feel herself start to melt. Then she felt him shake.

"Are you trying not to laugh?" she asked, incredulous.

"Never."

"Liar."

Harry slid his hands up her arms and stepped back to look at her properly. "I'm sorry - Jesse does indeed have a habit of wrapping herself into a cocoon." Then he smiled mischievously. "But, I have to admit that grouchy, drowsy Caitlin is rather endearing."

Caitlin caught her bottom lip between her teeth, glancing upward at nothing as she pretended to think. "Is... that because she reminds you of yourself?"

"Ooh, touché. Except for the drowsy part, obviously," he said, stepping forward without thinking and inadvertently trapping Caitlin between him and the countertop. Suddenly, the world stopped spinning, silence reigned, the tension thick, and almost suffocating.

After what felt like forever, Caitlin sucked in a breath, and stared at him, her eyes flicking between his mouth and his lips. "Do you ever find," she started, her voice barely more than a whisper, "that it's easier to say or do things in the middle of the night, like there's this magic veil that descends, and half asleep, without the harsh light of day, with inhibitions lowered, it's a lot easier to... a lot easier to... to..."

"... To what?" Harry asked, his own voice low and deep, and Caitlin could see his pupils dilating, lust barely hidden below the surface. Her skin tingled with want, and his face was so close to hers, that all she had to do was lift her chin a little, and her lips would be on his...

"... A lot easier to dismiss any previous concerns about waiting... And right now, I can't think of a signal reason _why_ we should wait..." she finished, breathless, her heart hammering against her ribs. Harry brushed a thumb slowly, lightly across her lips, and it was then that she realised that his hands were no longer on her shoulders - one was on her waist, his fingers drawing soft circles against her through her pyjama top, and the other was cupping her cheek.

"Caitlin... You... We..." Harry shook his head, clearly struggling, intoxicated by the woman in front of him. "I'm sorry..." He stepped back slightly, and Caitlin was so close to making the most undignified noise in protest, but managed to swallow it down, and instead threw him a look of frustration. Harry chuckled softly, and took her face in both hands, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry, that was my fault, I shouldn't have done that. It's very easy to lose myself around you."

It was difficult, while heady with lust, for Caitlin to think straight. In that moment, she wanted him, and badly, but Harry stepping back had stirred awake rational thought. Sort of. She was caught in a battle between her heart and her brain. Part of her wanted to surrender to her heart, because, really, she thought, she'd already fallen - it wouldn't be any less devastating if things didn't work out between them just because they hadn't kissed. Her brain, however, told her that it would, indeed, be worse, knowing how it felt and then not being able to have it anymore. Not that she had any reason to believe things _wouldn't_ work out...

"Are you arguing with yourself?"

Caitlin blinked, her eyes coming to focus properly on Harry's. They twinkled with amusement, and she gave him a lopsided smile. "Yes."

"Sorry," he said, again. "I'm not helping. Maybe-" Harry suddenly leapt forward, and Caitlin jumped once again, startled, until she realised he'd moved to grab her pan of milk, which was about to boil over. Harry moved it across the stovetop to sit on one of the unlit burners, and then turned off the gas. Away from the heat, the milk sank back down, and Caitlin couldn't help the giggle that escaped her. When Harry looked at her curiously, she explained, "It seemed like a good metaphor for what just happened."

"Ah, yes," Harry grinned. He took her hands in his, taking a moment to study her face before speaking again. "You're going to drive me crazy, Caitlin Snow."

She licked her lips, and smiled back at him. "Ditto."

Harry let go of her, and moved away to grab her mug, and Caitlin watched as he poured her milk into it and then handed it to her. "Come on, I've got something you can use as a blanket."

That 'something', it turned out, was his robe.

"Harry," Caitlin began, as he placed it around her shoulders, "don't you think this will look a bit suspicious? I mean, when Jesse wakes up-"

"- Then you tell her she stole the duvet, you came downstairs looking for a spare blanket, and when you couldn't find one, I - who just happened to be awake - gallantly lent you my robe. It's the truth."

Well, there was no reason why that _wouldn't_ work. And the robe did feel cosy... She held the edge of it out in front of her with her free hand, admiring the colour of it, a deep, midnight blue. "It does feel lovely and soft..."

"Silk-lined cashmere."

Caitlin's eyes widened, and she instantly placed her mug down on the coffee table. "Okay, this is way too expensive for me to be holding anything near it."

Harry waved a hand in front of him, pulling a face as if she was fussing over nothing. "Relax, it's fine. I'll just send you my dry-cleaning bill."

"Haha. But, seriously..."

" _Seriously_ , it's fine." He pulled the robe further around her, then looked down at her, his hands still grasping the lapels. "Besides," he shrugged, "you look cute in it. In fact," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple and then moving his lips to brush against her ear, "I bet you'd look good in anything I own."

Caitlin shivered, and placed her hands flat against his chest. He was warm, and inviting, and... Damn him! "Harry..." she breathed, sliding her hands up and over his shoulders, "I should-"

"Mmm," he huffed out a laugh. "Yes. We both should."

She stared at him for a moment, losing herself a little in the soft smile that played on his lips. Then she leant in and pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Goodnight, Harry."

His eyes had gone a little glassy, and it took him a moment to respond to her. He blinked himself out of it, then reached down and picked up her milk, holding it out to her, "Goodnight, Snow."

Caitlin took it with a smile, and then turned and walked back up the stairs before her resolve came crashing down.

She just hoped it would get easier once she was the other side of the country. Having him in such close proximity was quickly sucking away all her willpower.

* * *

"Why are you using my dad's robe as a blanket?"

"... Huh?" Caitlin, curled up on her side, face smooshed into the pillow, blinked slowly, and groaned as sunlight hit her eyes. Then Jesse's face swam into view, and she suddenly remembered the robe, _Harry's_ robe, that she was currently snuggled under. Luckily, she wasn't too sleep addled that she'd forgotten what she was supposed to say, but sleepy enough that Jesse (hopefully) wouldn't read anything more into it. "Oh... you stole the duvet, and all the blankets were being used. Your dad was awake, so he gave me his robe."

Jesse pulled a face, and for a moment Caitlin wasn't sure if she'd bought it until she realised that the younger girl's face was screwed up in apology. "Oops, sorry," she said, a little abashed, "I have a habit of wrapping myself up in-"

"- A cocoon? Yeah, I heard." She smiled, and pushed herself up, sleep-mussed hair falling over her face. She flicked it out of the way with her hand. "So, Jesse Quick - are you ready for your punishment?"

"What?"

"You left me shivering and uncomfortable-"

"- You were not shivering."

"But I _was_ uncomfortable."

Jesse sighed, and rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Ok - what is it?"

"Get me a cup of coffee?" Caitlin asked, unable to conceal the amusement stretching its way across her face.

"Is that all? And are you asking me, or telling me?"

"Pleeeease?"

Jesse laughed. "Ugh, fine. You want it brought up?"

"Yes, please. Oh, and tell your father he's not having his robe back." Caitlin picked it up and slipped her arms into it, loving how soft it was, how the sleeves fell over her fingers.

"Uh, yeah, good luck with that." Jesse turned to leave, but Caitlin stopped her.

"Hey, where's Iris?"

"She's up already. It's almost nine."

Oh.

"Hey, Jesse?"

"Yeeees?" She asked, turning back once again.

Caitlin smiled widely at her. "Merry Christmas."

She grinned in return. "Merry Christmas."

Once Jesse had closed the door, Caitlin yawned and stretched her arms above her head, the smile settling back on her face as soon as it had passed. She'd have to be very careful today, but she couldn't help the glow of happiness that spread through her. This time yesterday, she was a bundle of nerves, with absolutely no idea what she would be walking into, and now... Now, she was happier than she'd been in a long while. Harry wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him, she got on well with Jesse, and she just had a feeling that this time, _this_ time, she would have her happy ever after. Her slightly unconventional happy ever after, but a happy ever after all the same. And that was when she realised - she wouldn't change it for the world. It was something that, secretly, she'd been feeling guilty about, and it had taken a while for her to believe that feeling this way was okay, that it didn't mean she loved Ronnie any less, or that the relationship she'd had with him was any less important. He was a part of her life, a part she'd always remember with great love and affection, and an enormous amount of pride. He was, and always would be, a hero. He'd saved their lives, and because of that, she'd been given another chance.

Caitlin flopped backwards across the bed. She knew she should be getting up and dressed, but she was so comfortable, and, if she was honest, still a little sleepy. She'd be running on adrenaline and coffee for most of the day, then.

She stared up at the ceiling, watching as the sunlight danced across it through the gap in the curtains, that Iris had clearly pulled apart just enough so she could see without waking her and Jesse. For a moment, she simply let herself feel - the firm comfort of the mattress beneath her, the softness of the cashmere that enveloped her, the slight shift in the air as it circulated, the corner of the pillow that pressed against her side, the piece of hair that lay across her cheek. And then, the sounds - peaceful in the bedroom, but also distant chatter, punctuated here and there by laughter, and the sounds of the kitchen, dishes clattering, spoons stirring; it was perfect. She'd just caught the slight creaking of the floorboards outside the door when there was a knock. Thinking it was Jesse returning with her coffee, Caitlin called out for her to come in.

The door clicked open, and then:

"Well, look at you, lounging around like royalty."

Caitlin shot up, and immediately slapped a hand to her forehead as the sudden movement made her head spin. She squeezed her eyes shut, and then opened them again when she heard a low chuckle.

Standing there at the end of the bed, stupid grin and twinkly-eyed, was Harry.

"Sorry." He looked anything but.

"Good morning to you, too - what happened to Jesse?" Caitlin asked, looking longingly at the cup of coffee he held in his hands. She inhaled deeply.

Harry perched on the edge of the mattress, and held the cup out to her. She took it gratefully. "She told me you were threatening to steal from me. Naturally, I had to come and see for myself. And..."

"... And?" she prompted, taking a sip of the steaming liquid. It was just right, and she let out a little sound of happiness.

"And... I suppose, I just wanted an excuse to see you alone for a couple of minutes on Christmas morning."

Caitlin grinned back at him, her cheeks flushing a little. "That's very sweet."

"Well, I can be. But keep it to yourself - it would ruin my reputation." He held his hand out, and Caitlin slipped hers into it willingly.

"Is everyone up?"

"Everyone except HR. That man cannot handle his liquor. Idiot."

Caitlin gave his hand a warning squeeze. "Be nice."

Harry rolled his eyes playfully, looking so much like his daughter that Caitlin couldn't help but laugh.

"What?"

She shook her head, her fingers smoothing over the back of his hand. "Nothing, I'm just... very happy."

"Good. Me, too."

"Good."

As lovely as it was, the both of them sitting there, smiling at each other like idiots, Caitlin knew it was about time she joined everyone downstairs. Reluctantly, she let go of Harry's hand. "I should get dressed. I'll return your property to you safe and sound - promise."

"I'm sure it'll find its way onto you again at some point."

"Hmm, I'm sure it will."

Harry picked her hand back up, and dropped a kiss to it before letting go again. He stood, and walked backwards towards the doorway. "I'll make sure the three hungry speedsters leave you some breakfast."

"Thank you."

"And, Caitlin?"

She looked at him expectantly.

"I've never seen you like this before."

It only took a moment for her to realise what he was saying, and she was flooded with a warm glow. "You, either. I guess this is what happy looks like."

He grinned. "I guess so."

He left her with a wink, and as the door gently closed, Caitlin swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and quickly set about getting ready for the day.

* * *

Christmas Day always came and went faster than anyone expected it to, and Caitlin was all too aware of that, especially as she'd come to a decision half-way through the day that seemed to turn the hours into minutes, and minutes into seconds. She wanted to cling onto today as hard as she could, but the more she tried, the more time seemed to speed up. So, at dinner, she'd made an announcement, hoping it would relax her and slow things down. It hadn't worked.

"I've decided that I'm going to leave tomorrow morning. There's a flight at eleven thirty - I've already booked it."

The clatter of cutlery rang in her ears as everyone turned to look at her.

"You're not staying for New Year?" Cisco asked, looking a little upset, his forkful of mashed potato dangling in midair. Then his face changed, and he shook himself a little. "Sorry. The sooner you go, the sooner you get back, right?"

Caitlin smiled affectionately at him. They always had a great time together on New Year's Eve, well, pending any looming threat, of course. "Right." As discreetly as she could, she glanced at Harry - to anyone else, on first look, his face would have been unreadable, his expression neutral, but his eyes told her that he absolutely agreed.

Next to her, Iris reached out and squeezed her forearm. "We'll miss you."

"I'll miss you all, too." It came out on a shaky breath, but now wasn't the time to get emotional, so she sucked in a deeper one to calm herself. "Come on, it's Christmas." She made a toast to Joe and Iris's cooking, and the change in direction worked as everyone cheerfully raised their glasses.

Now, with dinner over and done with, they were cosily ensconced in front of the fire, exchanging gifts. There was one more present to give out, which happened to have Caitlin's name on it. Cisco grabbed it from under the tree, and held it out to her with a stupid grin, bouncing slightly as she started at him curiously, whilst simultaneously feeling a little guilty that he was handing her another gift, when she'd only bought him one (although, Cisco _had_ beamed at her and declared it as 'awesome').

"You looking at me like that is not making me very comfortable, Cisco."

"Sorry, I'm just really proud of it. Actually, it's from Harry, too."

She raised her eyebrows, and looked at the man in question. "Oh?"

Harry shrugged, as if it was no big deal. "I just... helped, a little." He seemed slightly abashed, and Caitlin wondered if this was tied into the final gift she was yet to receive from him, the joint one that Jesse had given her - a pretty charm bracelet ("Because you won't need those cuffs forever" Jesse had confidently said) - sitting in a box on the coffee table next to her. A discreet shake of Harry's head at her questioning gaze had told her that that wasn't it, and she'd wanted to both kiss and scold him - he'd already done more than enough, after all.

"Ok," Cisco conceded, holding his hands up, "it's Christmas Day, so, in the spirit of the season, I'm going to admit that you did more that just 'a little'."

"Gee, thanks, Ramon," Harry deadpanned, before smiling at Caitlin. "Open it."

With a giggle of excitement, Caitlin tore off the paper, and opened the black box that now sat in her hand. She frowned in confusion when she saw what was in it, and looked up at Cisco questioningly. It was a small, flesh-coloured silicon square, that looked a little like a mini nicotine patch, and she had no idea what it was for.

Cisco clapped his hands together, full of impatient excitement. "Take it out!"

So, she did, and when her fingers felt a small bump, she turned it over to see a microchip imbedded in it. "You're gonna have to help me out, here."

"It's to replace your cuffs! Harry helped me condense everything into that tiny chip - 'cause, y'know, apparently he's the king of micro-technology, or whatever - so it doesn't need charging. Your body will do that," he added. "It's waterproof, it won't fall off - believe me, we tested it, and this baby can withstand anything - it won't irritate, it repels dirt, and, if you do need to take it off, it will only respond to your touch, so you'll be the only one who can remove it - it'll take a print from the finger you stick it down with, and then it will be coded to you. If you want to move it somewhere else, you just press down on it, peel it off, and stick it back on. Also, as you can see, it's very discreet, so no more clunky cuffs that ruin the look of your outfit."

Caitlin laughed at that, and placed the patch back in its box so she could throw her arms around Cisco's neck. "Thank you so much," she said, hugging him tight. "It's incredible."

"You're very welcome."

She moved onto Harry, careful to hug him in the exact same way she'd hugged Cisco. "Thank you, Harry."

He smiled warmly at her. "Merry Christmas, Snow."

"That is amazing," Barry said, peering at the small patch. "I'm very impressed, guys."

Caitlin took off her cuffs and handed them to Cisco. She picked up the patch. "So, I can put this anywhere?"

"Yep."

She lifted the hem of her sweater a little to stick it to her stomach, pressing down on it with her right index finger, and then tilted her head at the slightly strange feeling that ran through her, like a faint ripple of electricity.

"That'll pass in a moment," Harry supplied, watching her closely.

He was right. Seconds later, she was back to normal. She grinned. "Hopefully, one day soon, I won't need it anymore, but if I do, I'm much happier with it being something I can hide from view. Thank you, again - both of you. I had no idea the pair of you were so sneaky."

"Really? They've been sending messages back and forth ever since the last time he left," HR chimed in, pointing to Harry.

"Hang on - how did you know about that?!"

"My dear Francisco - I might not be a scientist, but I am a writer, and therefore, an excellent observer."

"Observer, or stalker?"

HR just winked at him.

"Okay," said Iris, using Barry's shoulder to push herself up. "Who's ready for pie?"

Wally's face immediately lit up, but Joe shook his head. "Sorry, baby, I don't think I could eat another bite."

"You sure? It's pecan..."

"I'll have pie!" Cisco and Jesse said, at the same time.

"You know, on my Earth, pecans-"

"Let me guess," Joe said, in a monotone as he rolled his head towards HR, "wiped out?"

"How did you know?!"

Iris snorted. "Harry, how about you?"

Harry put his hands up. "You've found my weak spot."

"Excellent. Caitlin, wanna give me a hand?"

Caitlin stared at her, taking a moment to process what her friend had asked, her attention jolted from focusing on getting used to no longer having the weight of the cuffs around her wrists. "Oh, sure," she finally said, hoping that she'd answered pretty quickly and hadn't just been standing there, staring at Iris blankly for more than a couple of seconds. She picked a careful path around Wally and Jesse, and stepped over HR's knee, as the three of them were sitting on the floor, and followed Iris into the kitchen. She yelped, luckily not too loudly, as Iris grabbed her wrist and pulled her the rest of the way in, shutting the door quietly behind her. "Iris, what-"

"I knew it!"

Caitlin furrowed her brows, trying to think of what could have made her so excitable. "Knew what?"

Iris poked a finger at her. "Don't play dumb with me, Caitlin Snow - you and Harry!"

Oh. Caitlin tried to think of something that would throw Iris off, but she suddenly found herself unable to construct a sentence. "Hmm?"

Iris raised her eyebrows, but was unable to keep the smile from her face. "Come on, Snow - you might have everyone else fooled, but if you think I haven't noticed the way you've been looking at each other all day, and that little tell-tale shift I saw on his face when you hugged him, then you're very much mistaken. You're together, aren't you?!"

Well, if Iris kept raising her voice, soon everyone would know. "Would you shush!"

"Oh my god! Tell me everything. What was your first kiss like? Was it good? I bet it was amazing - he looks like he'd be an amazing kisser. How did it happen?"

Caitlin put her hand over Iris's mouth to stop her from talking, and tried not to laugh when she went cross-eyed looking down at it. "Are you quite finished?"

Iris nodded.

"Will you be quiet and let me speak?"

Another nod.

"Good." She removed her hand, and Iris looked like she was about to burst. Ok, quickly, then. "Yes, it was Harry who sent the gifts, yes, we're together, and no, we haven't kissed. Because," she said quickly, holding a finger up as Iris stared at her incredulously, "I want to sort myself out first. I'm not planning on anything going wrong, I'm not planning on not being with him when I get back, but, if anything _were_ to happen... And also, kissing him, and then leaving him for goodness knows how long, would only make it harder to leave."

"God, Caitlin..." Iris stepped back and leaned against the counter. "How have you managed it? The tension between you two is crazy."

"With great difficulty, believe me. Last night, we almost..."

"... Almost...?"

Caitlin sighed, and went to stand next to her. "I was standing right here, heating some milk to help me sleep, and he... We just... He was so close, and we just stared at each other, and... Well, you know how it can be, in the middle of the night, when you're sleepy and everything seems a bit not-real. I told him I couldn't think of a reason why we shouldn't. Anyway, we snapped ourselves out of it, but I swear, if the counter hadn't been holding me up..."

Girl, you've got it bad - I'm so happy for you!" Iris pulled her into a hug, and Caitlin squeezed her back.

"Thank you. Just, promise you won't-"

"-My lips are sealed," Iris assured her, miming a zip being pulled across her lips.

"We _will_ tell everyone, obviously, once I'm back. Although, actually, it might be quite nice if Harry knows that you know - I know he's not a big talker when it comes to feelings, but if he needs to, it might be nice for him to have someone he can confide in. It'll be easier for me, isolated from the rest of you."

Iris put her hand on Caitlin's arm. "Sure. Absolutely. Whatever you want me to do." She smiled, and then nodded her head towards the pie sitting on the small breakfast table. "Come on, we'd better take that out before a riot breaks out. Can you grab the cream from the fridge?"

* * *

"So, Iris knows."

"What?"

Caitlin, curled into Harry's side on the couch, stared up at him with an apologetic smile. Somehow - after everyone had eaten dessert and were lounging about in the living room, one hand on their bellies, the other reaching into the box of candies on the coffee table, despite the majority complaining about how full they were - Harry and Caitlin had managed, briefly, to have a moment alone together. She was coming out of the kitchen with a glass of water, just as he was going in with the rest of the empty dishes, and he'd taken her elbow and steered her back inside.

"How do you feel about sneaking downstairs once everyone's asleep?" He'd asked, and she'd smiled at him brightly in agreement

"Once everyone's in bed, I'll give it an hour, and then come down."

Then HR had come along, searching for a misplaced bottle opener, and they'd quickly gone their separate ways.

Now, they were enjoying the peace and quiet, the last flickers of the flames from the dying fire dancing shadows over them. It was cosy, comfortable, and Caitlin still had to pinch herself, not only to convince herself that it was actually real, but because it felt so right.

Caitlin smoothed a hand over Harry's shoulder and up the back of his neck, her fingers curling into the ends of his hair. "She guessed," she replied, in answer to his question. "Well, it wasn't a guess - she knew, and nothing I said was going to convince her otherwise. But she promised not to say a word, and I told her it might be nice for you to have someone to talk to who you don't have to worry about slipping up around."

Harry sighed, and for a moment Caitlin thought he was annoyed. Then he gave her that lopsided smile that made her insides go all pleasantly squishy. "I suppose it might be. And then, once you're back, we can tell Jesse, and then everyone else."

"Agreed." She leaned up and kissed his cheek before settling back down again. Harry's arms slipped tighter around her, and she sighed happily. "This is nice. I wish I could stay here all night."

"Me, too," Harry said, pressing a kiss to her hair.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, until Caitlin's eyes started to droop, and her head lolled against Harry's shoulder.

"Caitlin?"

"Hmm..."

"You should go to bed."

In response, she buried her head further into him, and he chuckled softly, her hair tickling at his chin. Caitlin didn't want to move - she was relaxed, and comfortable, and even though she knew she couldn't stay there all night, at that moment, she couldn't bring herself to care. And then, seconds later, she groaned softly in protest and sat up, knowing that she did, in fact, have to care. Caitlin pushed her hair out of her eyes, then offered Harry a sleepy smile. "I suppose I should," she acquiesced, slipping her fingers through his, enjoying the feel of his worker's hands against her own, softer ones. Then her brow furrowed, and she looked at him seriously.

"What's wrong?"

"I... I'll just miss you, that's all. It seems so unfair that I have to go away from you in order to be with you."

Harry turned her hand over in his, and intently studied her palm for a moment before returning her gaze. "I know. But it's not just to be with me, is it," he stated, gently. "Just... Take your time, okay? Take as long as you need, whether it's three weeks or three months, or longer. I'll wait for you."

Caitlin couldn't help the automatic upturn of her mouth as he said that. "You make it sound like I'm doing time, or going off to war." She bit her lip in thought. "I suppose it is a bit like going into battle, in a way." She had to battle her demons, get rid of them, or at least accept them, so that she could get on with her life without all the fear and anger that currently lived deep inside of her.

Harry shifted a little to face her properly, and ran his thumb across her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed at the sensation. "How does the patch feel?"

She opened one eye, then the other, and reached down to where it sat, stuck to the side of her stomach. "All good."

"Great. Y'know, we forgot to mention it earlier - a very amateurish mistake on my part - but if you _do_ take it off, just to see how you're doing, the effects will stay in your system for a little while. If you do feel like you might lose control, it won't happen so quickly, so take that first sign as a warning, and you'll have time to replace the patch before..." Harry gestured at her, not quite sure how to say it.

She came to his rescue. "I know. Well, it'll be nice not to have to rush to plug myself in to charge, anyway. So," she said, changing the subject, "what did you think of Christmas Day on Earth One? Think you and Jesse can handle all of us again next year?" Harry pretended to think, a bit too long for Caitlin's liking, and she slapped his arm lightly. "Hey!"

He grinned. "It was... different. Nice. I quite enjoyed it, actually, and I know Jesse did, too. It was good for her - for the both of us."

"I'm glad." She settled against him again, and hugged his arm, her eyes drawn to the glowing embers from the fire. "I love that we're this slightly odd little family, and I'm so happy I have you all in my life - I wouldn't change it for anything." She smiled as Harry rested his chin on top of her head. Leaving him - leaving _everyone_ , was going to be so hard. Dealing with her past and her losses was going to be so hard. But, knowing what she was coming back to, what she could have when she returned, made the path she was about to take completely worthwhile, no matter how frustrating and upsetting it might get along the way.

Caitlin yawned and turned her head, finding that this time, Harry was the one who was starting to doze. She ran her fingers through his hair, and he hummed contentedly. "Harry?"

"Hmm... I know, I know..." He opened his eyes, attempted to blink his drowsiness away, and then slowly moved to stand, pulling her with him. Once they were up, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close as possible, her head resting comfortably against his chest. Caitlin smoothed her hands across his back, momentarily bewitched by the twitching of his muscles beneath her palms.

"It's going to be difficult to say goodbye, in the morning. We don't be able to do this."

"No."

Caitlin chewed her lip. "Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I steal your robe again?"

Harry laughed, and the sound rumbled pleasantly through his chest as her ear pressed against it. "Yes. I was going to suggest it, anyway - you've been out of bed way too long for Jesse not to have once again stolen the duvet."

"Damn, not again."

"Yeah, real shame for you, I can tell."

She grinned, and then inhaled deeply as she stared up at him. "Behave yourself while I'm gone. No seriously injuring yourself, or intentionally putting yourself in harm's way. Unless you absolutely have no choice, that is."

"I promise I'll try to be in one piece when you get back."

"Good."

"And, ditto. If you're struggling, and you really need someone, call me. It's okay for it to not be easy. It won't be. But don't think you have to suffer alone just because you think calling someone will mean you've failed. It won't."

Caitlin slipped her arms around his neck, pushing up on her toes a little so she could touch her forehead to his. "Thank you. I'll check in once a week - I promised Cisco, but, I also promise not to suffer unnecessarily." Then, she yawned deeply. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Go on, to bed with you."

"Yes, Sir," she cheeked.

Harry shook his head almost despairingly. "What am I getting myself into?"

Her eyes sparkled at him knowingly. "Just you wait, Harry Wells."

There was that adorable, lopsided smile again. He dropped a sweet kiss to the tip of her nose. Caitlin knew that she'd never tire of this side of him, and she felt privileged to be one of the few who got to see it. She buried her face in his neck for a moment, and returned his kiss with a press of her lips just below his jaw. Reluctantly, she pulled away, slipping out of his arms and stepping back to get a good look at him, and she squeezed his hand as she gazed at him affectionately.

"Goodnight, Doctor Wells."

"Goodnight, Doctor Snow."


	10. Chapter 10

Hello! I'm sorry for making you think that there was a new chapter, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm not able to give much time to writing at the moment because my dad is ill. He had a small heart attack, and is now in hospital waiting for triple bypass surgery. Understandably, I'm a bit of an anxious wreck at the moment, so until he's had the op and is back home recovering, my concentration level will be at zero for everything apart from him and my mum. So, thank you all so much in advance for sticking with me! When I replace this with the actual chapter 10, watch out for the date change so you know I've updated it, and it's not still the paragraph you've just read. Take care, everyone!


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